


Until Dawn Dances Along

by MelissaKeith



Series: What's in a Name? [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Audio Transcript Format, Blind Character(s), Buddhism, Gen, M/M, Multi, Planning For One's Own Death, Psychology, Self-Insert, Trans Character(s), Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2019-03-07 17:38:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 31,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13439850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelissaKeith/pseuds/MelissaKeith
Summary: I've been murdered, reincarnated, captured, tortured, betrayed... And yet never have I been quite so terrified as that first time I held my child.I used to joke about the quality of childrearing in the Naruto world, you know? But it's a hell of a lot less amusing as a father.(sequel to Of Cranes and Turtles.)





	1. Chapter 1

_[This is a transcription made from a series of audio tapes. Transcriber's notes will be used only if something other than Shimura's voice must be communicated.]_

I'm making this tape so that in the case of my untimely death, my child will have something to remember me by. If this should be found unsealed while I am still alive, please be aware that it's rude to listen in.

At the moment, my name is Shimura Hisato, and I am an eighteen year old man. I gave birth to the most wonderfully wrinkly thing just two weeks ago; her name is currently Shimura Uzume, but I want her... Or rather, you, to know that I will understand one hundred percent if you change that name some day.

My own parents named me Kagome, actually... They were both killed in action while I was little, and I never really knew them. That's part of my motivation for making these tapes for you, because I wish my parents had done something like this.

The other reason... Well. I don't know what anyone will end up telling you about the day of your birth, but I'm sure you'll notice someday that it's the same date as the Uchiha massacre.

I had... Have a student from the Uchiha clan, and had placed a seal on her that alerted me when she was injured. Up until that day, I had mostly used this to detect when Izumi was going overboard in her training. I'm incredibly lucky that, because of it, she survived that day.

As I'm speaking, Izumi is currently comatose. Her eyes were ripped from her head, like many of the corpses we were able to recover... It's still uncertain whether she will wake again, or whether she will simply be a later casualty than most.

... Ah, sorry. Returning to the point, that night reminded me of my mortality. If I had been physically capable of rushing over the moment I felt Izumi was in danger, it's likely that I would have been killed.

I almost left you an orphan, only hours after your birth: others I've seen in that position grow up lonely and distanced from their peers. Sometimes they became incredibly jealous, or paranoid, or desperate for attention... I don't want that for you. I want you to be able to live a full and happy life, free from resentment, even if I'm not able to be a part of it.

Tenzou and Koori, two of my most responsible friends, have promised me that they'll watch over you. But... there's already two people I know that have, for whatever reason, fallen through on such a promise. Though I don't want to think that Tenzou or Koori would betray me like that, I am planning for that possibility...

Ah, that's a little serious, isn't it. I meant to keep the first recording on a lighter note, but. Thinking about dying isn't really conducive to an amiable tone.

It feels a little awkward to say it like this, but I want you to know... I believe in reincarnation. I'm fairly certain about it, actually, and so if I do have to leave you? Please know that I'll do my damnedest to find my way back.

Also... I'm really, really happy to call myself your father. I wasn't planning to have you here and now, but I can't regret it. I hope that you'll be just as proud to call yourself my child, one day.

Love you. And... sorry.


	2. Chapter 2

Good morning. I was a little torn on how I should start the second tape, what I should tell you next. And, well. I don't know when I'll die, or how much you'll know about me by the time you're listening to this...

Anyway, do you know how a personality forms, and what makes a person a person? Some would argue that there's such a thing as a 'soul', and it is this that makes up your consciousness and informs your behavior. There's no real evidence of such a thing, though.

I believe that a person's self is the sum of their memories: a consequence of what occurred, how they reacted to it, and the narrative they have since built for themselves. To know me, you would need to know what I've been through and how I reacted to it, basically.

Oh, this is tangential, but I got into a lecturing mood, I hope you'll forgive me. I've recently been studying the brain in more depth, and trying to confirm some theories. Our minds are essentially made from electricity and chemicals, from what I've been taught by non-ninja; so how is it that chakra can allow one person to access the mind of another? If lightning types had an advantage using illusions, then that would make more sense. They could be hijacking those electrical pulses to change a person's perception. But if this is how illusions function, then why is long-term memory alteration so much more difficult than short-term?

Wait, that's not where I should start with that matter at all. You can feel free to ignore that, and I'll explain my neurological theories on some later date, with more introduction. Today, I intended to tell you a little about my life. Though, um, you can feel free to skip tapes at any time.

Like I mentioned in my last tape, I was born as Shimura Kagome. I was born blind, and my parents really weren't expecting that. They mostly left me with Minako, one of their servants, and so I don't remember much of anything about them. They were killed by Cloud ninja on my third birthday... But Minako thinks that if they had lived, they would have eventually figured out how to be good parents.

My mother's uncle was unable to care for me at the time, and so I was placed in the orphanage just outside of Konoha for a few years. I made a lot of friends back then that I still speak with, like Koori and Aburame Muta.

There... Were a couple of people I regarded as siblings, also. I had an older sister named Fumiko who died a few years ago, and a little brother that was kidnapped when I was eight. I was told two months ago that he's still alive, but he's actively working against Konoha, so he's not really any uncle of yours, okay?

When I was six, I went to live with my mother's uncle, Shimura Danzou. I'm going to go ahead and tell you that he's a manipulative asshole. He loves power more than anything else, so please be wary of him. I spent my time with him training, mostly, and he helped me to become a genin at only eight. Those were stressful times, and every soldier was necessary; I desperately hope that things will be different for you, if you choose to become a ninja. Though people may pressure you to graduate early, that's often a poor choice in the long-term.

... You don't have to, by the way. Become a ninja, I mean. I think it might be better if you didn't, in all honesty. The shinobi lifestyle really isn't all that glamorous, and the real heroes never seem to get what they deserve... Wait, back to the topic at hand.

At nine, I had the opportunity to study with a woman named Ubusuna, in the Land of Hot Water. She's a storyteller and a magician, and I greatly admire her - but she also has her own agenda. She isn't someone you should trust easily, either, though she can certainly teach you great things.

Our clans - Shimura and Ubusuna - share a number of techniques. Long before they were shinobi, our ancestors were monks and priests. It's a weird sort of heritage, but I'm finding that I can appreciate it, and I hope the same for you. I'm a little hesitant to publish details about our sealing style, but... Before you can use it in any real way, you need to know the names and forms of the eight trigrams. You must also be capable of distinguishing yin chakra from yang, and controlling them separately.

Everything you'll need to know afterward is a secret that has been carefully kept for generations... Ubusuna, Danzou, and myself are the only practitioners left, and they're both so old. Our secrecy may well lose this knowledge to the world.

Ah, that's not the point. I stirred up quite a lot of trouble in the Land of Hot Water, unfortunately, although I also gained experience as a professional storyteller. I may have been responsible for some property damage, among... Other things. It's not a time that I'm proud of, and I would understand if you found my actions from then unforgivable.

Ubusuna recognized the pit I'd dug for myself around the time I turned thirteen. At her suggestion, I spent several months at a temple in a Hot Water village called Himura. Initially, it was a bit depressing. Like many of the other adults I've learned from, the monks there were uncertain how to  _handle_ my blindness. My arrogant attitude didn't endear me to them, either.

Eventually, though, I made a couple of friends. One has since passed on, but I've kept correspondence with the other. If you should ever have a reason to be in Himura, her name is Mokuren, and she's the temple's chef. I liked to call her Yoki, from the phrase 'the good old days', and she knew me by the name Ritsu... She's truly a kind person, and exceptionally talented at chakra sensing.

One day, though, Ubusuna returned to the temple with a letter for me from Konoha. I left the temple without proper goodbyes, something that Mokuren has nagged me about in her letters.

The more I've thought about it, the more I've been able to appreciate the lessons I was given at that temple. I am more of a scientist than a religious person, but there are aspects of Buddhism that I find incredibly appealing. The cycle of Samsara, the focus on neutrality rather than ultimate good, and the associations used to explain the natural world... Isn't it all incredibly appealing?

I don't think that I can possibly make up for my wrongdoings, however. I will live again, though it may be as a beast or a demon. From a scientific perspective, this is a little strange - if a person is the sum of their memories, how can they exist again after death? But like chakra, it's an everyday mystery.

Wow, even though I distracted myself so frequently, I managed to sum up the first thirteen years of my life with ease. I once dedicated two months to building myself a narrative regarding those years, you know? That tape is a lot more in-depth, of course... And a little gruesome.

I think that I might make it accessible to you, in the event of my death... But, uh, only after you're - well, I was thirteen when I made it, so let's go with thirteen. If I die while you're younger than that, please wait to listen to it.

I'm sorry if I've bored you, carrying on as I have. Love you.


	3. Chapter 3

I got a little too carried away the other day, I think. I could talk about myself for hours, but ultimately the stories I've learned are more important. I wanted to name you after this story, but the hospital wouldn't let me...

This is my favorite story, actually, and it begins with a happy set of parents and their newborn baby boy. For eight long months, they had discussed possible names for him; it was only when they saw his darling face that the two realized that they would need an outsider's opinion if he was to have any name at all.

The couple took their precious child to a local temple, where they knew a wise and friendly priest lived.

"Please help us find an auspicious name for him," The father pleaded.

"Auspicious, hmm?" The priest's eyes wandered the room as he thought. Within the temple, there were many hanging scrolls: some were paintings that displayed scenes from important moral tales, while other scrolls held a single word.

"Jugemu... Jugemu. Yes, that has a ring to it. It uses the same characters as 'limitless life'."

Though there were few things quite as auspicious as that, the couple did not quite look satisfied, and so the priest continued; "Gokounosurikire... This comes from that legend there, of a goddess that comes to a certain rock in a certain place every thousand years, and speaks of the time it will take for her dress to shear that rock in two.

Seeing that their faces had only become more eager, the priest found himself seeking further. "How does Kaijarisuigyo sound? There are countless rocks in the sea, and innumerable numbers of fish in the water..."

"So far, that's Jugemu Jugemu Gokounosurikire Kaijarisuigyo, right?" The mother said.

"Yes... Ah, Suigyoumatsu, Unraimatsu, Fuuraimatsu. As the sea, the clouds, and the wind have neither beginning nor end, they are some of nature's most relentless forces... And then, perhaps, Kuunerutokoro ni Sumutokoro: to ensure that your son's needs are met."

Even that set of names only seemed to whet the parent's appetite for names, however. At the father's excited nodding, the priest found himself hurrying to add another. "Yaburakouji no... Burakouji..."

Only after he'd spoken did he recall that the plant was named yabukouji. Without even listening for the name's explanation, the father said, "That's Jugemu Jugemu Gokounosurikire Kaijarisuigyo no Suigyomatsu Unraimatsu Fuuraimatsu Kuunerutokoro ni Sumutokoro Yaburakoji no burakoji, right? Don't worry, we're keeping up!"

The priest nodded, though he had began to think that he was miscommunicating something... and from their reactions he decided that they were more keen on having strange and slightly exotic-sounding options, and lead up with a little story in the hopes of placating them.

"These next few names come from an ancient legend, of a country named Paipo. You see, Paipo was a western land populated by a number of incredibly long-lived people, like Paipo's king, Shuuringan, and Shuuringan's queen Guurendai, and Guurendai's children Ponpokopi and Ponpokona. Any one of their names would be an excellent choice."

"Absolutely," the mother agreed, smiling down at her sleeping son.

"I will offer you two final names, now..."

"Before that, just to be sure - Jugemu Jugemu Gokounosurikire Kaijarisuigyo no Suigyomatsu Unraimatsu Fuuraimatsu Kuunerutokoro ni Sumutokoro Yaburakoji no burakoji Paipopaipo Paipo no Shuringan Shuringan no Gurindai Gurindai no Ponpokopi Ponpokona..."

"And Choukyuumei and Chousuke," the priest concluded.

"Wonderful!" The father said, and the couple bowed and left. And so Jugemu Jugemu Gokounosurikire Kaijarisuigyo no Suigyoumatsu Unraimatsu Fuuraimatsu Kuunerutokoro ni Sumutokoro Yaburakouji no burakouji Paipopaipo Paipo no Shuuringan Shuuringan no Guurindai Guurindai no Ponpokopi Ponpokona no Choukyuumei no Chousuke came to be called as such.

... Now, when Jugemu Jugemu Gokounosurikire Kaijarisuigyo no Suigyoumatsu Unraimatsu Fuuraimatsu Kuunerutokoro ni Sumutokoro Yaburakouji no burakouji Paipopaipo Paipo no Shuuringan Shuuringan no Guurindai Guurindai no Ponpokopi Ponpokona no Choukyuumei no Chousuke reached the age of eight or nine, he had a friend whose name was Kin, I believe. On one particular day, the two friends got into something of a fight, and Kin received a large bump on the head.

Determined to see justice, Kin ran to his parents. "Kaachan, Touchan! Jugemu Jugemu Gokounosurikire Kaijarisuigyo no Suigyoumatsu Unraimatsu Fuuraimatsu Kuunerutokoro ni Sumutokoro Yaburakouji no burakouji Paipopaipo Paipo no Shuiringan Shuiringan no Guurindai Guurindai no Ponpokopi no Ponpokona no Choukyuumei no Chousuke... Hit me on the head! Just look at this bump!"

"That's awful," his mother said.

"Go and show it to his parents," Kin's father suggested. And off he went.

"Hey, hey! You're Jugemu Jugemu Gokounosurikire Kaijarisuigyo no Suigyoumatsu Unraimatsu Fuuraimatsu Kuunerutokoro ni Sumutokoro Yaburakouji no burakouji Paipopaipo Paipo no Shuuringan Shuuringan no Guurindai Guurindai no Ponpokopi no Ponpokona no Choukyuumei no Chousu... ke's... father... Right?"

The man nodded, though he looked bemused.

"Your son hit me so hard, he left a bump!"

"Wait, my son did?! But my Jugemu Jugemu Gokounosurikire Kaijarisuigyo no Suigyoumatsu Unraimatsu Fuuraimatsu Kuunerutokoro ni Sumutokoro Yaburakouji no burakouji Paipopaipo Paipo no Shuuringan Shuuringan no Guurindai Guurindai no Ponpokopi Ponpokona no Choukyuumei no Chousuke would never do such a thing!"

Kin's tears didn't look fake, though, and the father found himself yelling, "Honey, hey! Come out here! Our Jugemu Jugemu Gokounosurikire Kaijarisuigyo no Suigyoumatsu Unraimatsu Fuuraimatsu Kuunerutokoro ni Sumutokoro Yaburakoujinoburakoujipaipopaipopaiponoshuringanshuringannogurindai gurindainoponpokpiponpoknachokyumeino Chousuke hit his friend on the head!"

"Eeeeh?!" The mother came bursting out of the house, looking frantically at the little boy. "Are you sure it was our Jugemu Jugemu Gokounosurikire Kaijarisuigyo no Suigyoumatsu Unraimatsu Fuuraimatsu Kuunerutokoro ni Sumutokoro Yaburakouji no burakouji, Paipo Paipo Paipo no Shuuringan, Shuuringan no Guurindai, Guurindai no Ponpokopi Ponpokona no Choukyuumei no Chousuke?"

"It doesn't seem right, does it?" The father mused. "Our Jugemu Jugemu Gokounosurikirekaijarisuigyonosuigyoumatsunraimatsfuuraimatskuunerutokoronisumutokoroyaburakojinoburakoji, Paipopaipopaiponoshuuringan, shuuringannoguurindai, guurindainoponpokpiponpoknachoukyuumeino Chousuke, he's always been a good boy! Let me see that bump!"

But by the time they had repeated their son's name four times, the bump had fully healed.

... Maybe it's not the most morally appropriate story, come to think of it. I would hope that afterward, Jugemjugemugokonsurikirekaijarisuigyonsuigyomatsunraimatsufuraimatskuunerutokosumutokoyaburakojinburakojipaipopaipopaino shuuringannoguurindaiguurindainponpokpiponpoknanchokyumeino _Chouuuusuke_ went home to tell his parents the truth. They loved him a great deal, and I can't imagine that he was the kind of child to hit someone without a reason. That Kin kid most likely ran to the adults in an attempt to monopolize the narrative, and get away with whatever he himself had done to provoke the attack...

Was it alright, telling it like this? I tried to include context and some interesting vocabulary, but maybe that's a little... Hmm. Well, if I don't like this tomorrow, I'll retape it.

Either which way... Good night.


	4. Chapter 4

Hello! There's another story I'd like to tell you today, one that's also a favorite. The more that I think on it, the more meaning I find to it... But when I first heard it at the age of thirteen, I just thought it was silly. Since it is a little old, there's one reference it makes that you might not fully understand - a shamisen is a stringed instrument, one that used to be made with cat skin.

Its title is an idiom that is useful in situations where two seemingly unconnected things are unexpectedly related: 'if the wind blows, the pailmaker makes money'. Now, how do those statements relate, you might be asking...

Well, if a strong wind blows against the ground today, and dirt is thrown into people's eyes, many people could become blind. After going blind, many people will buy shamisen to make a living with. Cat skin will then be in great demand and therefore, throughout the world, cats will be killed. If that happens, rats will run wild and boxes of pails that are left in the open will be chewed through. At this point, if you're a pailmaker, you'll gain plenty of business.

So if you think on it enough, the meaning to 'if the wind blows, the pailmaker makes money' becomes clear.

... Well, I didn't lose my eyesight because of the wind, but it's certainly interesting to me to think that a blind society's largest problem might be unchecked rodents. This story can also be connected to something called the 'butterfly effect', which suggests that even the flapping of a butterfly's wing can cause the world to change dramatically.

To be honest, I told you that story to tell you yet another. It's something I've never told anyone before, something I've almost never mentioned out loud.. But you deserve to know.

Mm, now that I think about it, there are a couple of things like that. But, for today... I must admit to you that I am either a traitor planted in Konoha by an unknown force or the reincarnation of a person from another world. From birth, my mind has held memories of another life. More importantly, though - I once read a manga in that world which took place in this one, and so I have had foreknowledge all along.

In the first thirteen years of this life, I mostly avoided using the knowledge I have because, well....

Long ago, I tried to use it to save someone I cared deeply about, and their situation changed so much from that path that I no longer know any way to help them. I tried not to allow myself to care about the people whose futures I already knew after that, but... As a blind person trying to recognize people from a manga... I've been deeply unsuccessful.

The recent Uchiha incident, and the Hyuuga incident a few years ago... I knew that both events would occur, but neither followed my prediction, and I wasn't able to save -

Ah, but I'm getting carried away. I wanted to tell you about the knowledge I have, and then tell you that I've finally decided to stop avoiding it. I've been thinking for a while that it is cruel of me to let a child be when I fully understand their suffering, and how isolation will change them.

There's plenty of room in my new home, and another set of hands to help me with you would be very welcome. Even aside from that... If I allow Sasuke to go live alone in the home his parents were killed in, then Izumi will never forgive me.

The hospital plans to release Sasuke in a couple of hours, so I'll be kidnapping him in a bit. Koori doesn't understand my full motivations, but she's willing to babysit you while I sort that out.

If all goes well, I won't be able to tell you much more about that manga, as I can't risk Sasuke overhearing. The future isn't really something I want you to be burdened with, anyway, and I want to let you know that I don't know anything at all about your future... So you're free to be anything, do anything.

Love you.


	5. Chapter 5

It's been a while, though not much has changed - Izumi's physically recovered, but she hasn't woken up yet. I'm more and more confident that she will, based on what we can monitor of her brain activity. And as far as Sasuke... Well, I'll wait to explain that.

I probably should have planned these tapes out a little better. This one will be picking up where I left off on my life story, so if you're not interested, feel free to skip.

I don't remember exactly what point I left you at, though I know I vaguely covered everything from the other set of tapes I'm leaving... But there's a couple of details I'd like to go back for, and after that I'll be discussing the last five years with far more detail.

About the temple at Himura... while living there, I was not permitted to eat fish, meat, or out-of-season meals. I studied deities, demons, and rituals, and toward the end spent ridiculous amounts of time meditating. There was a particular day which has since fostered my earnest belief in spiritual power, a day on which I began to sense another kind of energy during meditation.

Now, I initially wrote this off. There's a portion of the parietal lobe of your brain which, when stimulated by magnetic fields, produces spiritual encounters. Out-of-body experiences, or astral projection, were also associated... In my world, I mean, the one I lived in before this. I suppose chakra seems to excuse that phenomenon here, similar to my situation.

Now, the energy I sensed did feel sort of holy, and seemed to swirl throughout the air and in the trees, but I also began to detect a child whose chakra system only contained that energy. This child communicated something through impressions more than words, and has been easily misunderstood thanks to that. Though I tried several times, it was a long time before I found that child again and comprehended its message.

As I mentioned, I was called back to the Leaf after a few months at the temple. I joined Tenzou and Hatake's team after my return, and spent the better part of my first two years back focusing only on missions and training.

More than the child, the ability to sense trees had given me some hope about harnessing their power. I continued to meditate, but had diminishing results. It began to take longer and longer to reach that level of awareness as I practiced... I didn't understand what I was doing wrong.

My breakthrough came during a rather strange moment... I was captured by a few small rogue ninja group during a mission. This was intentional; I could have escaped at any moment, but our original mission had been completed and I was rather curious about the group. I sent a clone to return to the village with Tenzou, who would leave a message with them if my circumstances became more troublesome than I anticipated.

I was already fifteen, I believe, and I looked older. They attempted to torture me, and eventually chose to starve me out. I listened intently to their conversations when possible, but generally slept and meditated to conserve energy. This was in Water country, and so there was a great deal of animal and plant life both to practice on.

I noticed quickly that as my week of captivity wore on, the time that it took to detect the surrounding plant life shrunk rapidly. I had previously attempted to spend massive amounts of time meditating, and knew that this was not the cause of my sudden good luck; but the answer was given to me on that seventh day.

"Noubou akyasha kyarabaya on ari kyamari bori sowaka", I was murmuring to myself, feeling for the vines growing just outside my cell. "Noubou akyasha kyarabaya on ari kyamari bori sowaka."

It took only a minute for the swamp's network of roots to reveal itself to me, incomparable to the two hours I had needed in Konoha. More than roots and vines, though, a child sitting inside my cell came into focus.

' _You're back_ ,' I thought at it. I don't believe I spoke out loud, but it nonetheless understood.

"I'm finally able to return because you've made it back onto the path," it managed to say, verbally, with words.

"What path?" I asked, and rather than answering, it took my hand and pulled me up. Previously, moving had disrupted my grasp on the surrounding flora; but with that child by my side, this did not occur. Natural energy began to trickle into my chakra system from the air, gradually strengthening me. The child released my hand when the amount I had gathered reached a certain level, and sent me some positive feelings.

I had not gained useful information from my internment in those last few days, only staying to meditate. My clone had been released the day before, and I had already been planning to leave... I saw fit to use my new power to make my exit flashier. I punched through a couple of walls, scared a couple of thugs... But in the instant that I laid a hand on one of them, the natural energy exited my body. I had only enough time to register the child's exasperation before my connection to nature disappeared.

This did not prevent me from capturing that group and turning them in, of course, and it became another valuable clue.

After a lot of thought, I connected the two incidents in which this child had appeared to me: they were the only two times in which I had meditated while fully compliant with the temple's rules. Apparently, starvation is the acceptable alternative to meat and processed foods... Who would have thought.

Causing harm to others was the primary rule I broke while still at the temple, and it seems to carry less of a penalty than eating meat, for whatever reason. It's still the most irksome rule when it comes to finding a use for my access to nature energy...

Nonetheless, I soon found that healing others was not against any rule, and in fact is a use that my gohou vehemently approves of - and I should explain that term, shouldn't I. gohou is not a common-use word, after all.

Though I use the term gohou, there's a large possibility that I am mistaken. In several legends, there are seemingly immortal child attendants that appear around particularly enlightened monks; these children are sometimes thought to be demons that are working to redeem themselves, or were 'saved' and now work out of gratitude. But there was one story in particular that led me to describe the child I sense as a gohou... A story in which a monk that belongs to the court becomes furious with a political opponent and orders his gohou to sink the opponent's ship while he sails out. Though the gohou argues, it gives in as soon as the monk threatens to break his vows. The story implies that such a breach would cause some harm to the gohou, though perhaps it was emotional warfare of some kind...

Returning to my point, though, there is definitely a connection between the vows I took and whether I can sense that child at any given moment. Killing, stealing, lying, eating after noon, accepting money, and performing are also things that impose a penalty. The time associated varies some between crimes, but this has made my life a little more troublesome.

Still, it has proven useful. Most relevant is the situation a few weeks ago, with Izumi; though I alerted others to her situation, I could not go in person, and was left to pray and beg my gohou to save her. She would have died before anyone could reach her... I also called on its power that night to clear Sasuke's short-term memory. He witnessed some horrible things that night and frankly... as angry as he is that the culprit has yet to be identified, I think that he is in far better shape without that trauma.

Still. Don't let him know that it's my fault he has been useless to the investigation, okay? Izumi will wake soon, and hopefully she will be able to tell the village what truly happened that night.

For now... Sasuke is in class right now, but we have struck a deal. He's terrified of losing the only family member he seems to have left, and has expressed a strong interest in the healing arts. I agreed to train him if he became a live-in apprentice, and although this is not quite how I envisioned that conversation would go... I think Izumi will be happy.

Well, that's as far as I'm going today... goodnight, or good day, and please nag Sasuke if you someday wish to become a medical ninja. He'll owe me one.


	6. Chapter 6

This morning, Tenzou left ANBU... I'll admit that I'm partially making this tape to process my own feelings on the matter, and so I may delete this later.

Over the years, we've spent a lot of time working together. He and I were a team, back when I was younger... We were too young to be real ninja, and had been through too much to be children. He was more of a superior than an older brother to me, back then. Thinking about the child he used to be, the teenager he was when we were teamed again, and the adult he has since become... I'm a little envious.

When I was whiling my time away in the Land of Hot Water, Tenzou was still dedicating his life to this village. While I was playing around with murderers, he and Hatake were becoming friends even as they were pit against one another by my uncle's politics. They came to have a mutual respect for one another's skills, I think, and it was Hatake who eventually delivered Tenzou from... The situation he and I had once belonged to.

Tenzou become stronger and kinder in those years. Two friends were plenty enough for him, and ANBU became his new family and home. He is the reason I was able to return to Konoha.

In contrast, those years left me confused and a little vulnerable. I couldn't quite relate to him when we reunited, couldn't quite ask him why he smiled more easily. He was a stickler for propriety, like always, but little else about him had remained the same. And... rather than speaking to Tenzou directly, I spent my first few months back in Konoha asking Hatake every question I had about Tenzou, not wanting to acknowledge to his face how we had grown apart.

I had heard of Hatake Kakashi before being assigned to his team, of course, and had expected to feel a little awed or something... But the awkward air that used to surround him made him a hard guy to take seriously. He is four years older than Tenzou, who is six months older than me; despite that, Hatake had waved off formalities from the start. He's a directly indirect kind of person, always making others feel foolish while also playing the fool himself.

I don't know if he'll change in the next few years, but Hatake has so far handled his grief and guilt by taking up the behaviors of the precious people he's lost. One such behavior is lateness, typically accompanied by some absurd excuse. The truth is generally that he visits graves while waiting for an appropriately late moment to arrive: if you need to find him quickly, the K.I.A. Memorial is a good place to start.

That awkward air I mentioned has dissipated somewhat; at the age of 22, Hatake Kakashi now manages to read inappropriate literature in public, arrive at meetings three hours after they've begun, and wear a face mask while eating... All with such casualness that you can't help but think he's a little cool. Don't fall for it, though.

His dynamic with Tenzou has changed somewhat in the last five years, but they used to be something like a two-man comedy act. Watch Hatake do something stupid, and then pay attention to how much Tenzou has to struggle between his respect for his superior and his desire to teach Hatake some shame. It's no wonder that I didn't spend time with them off-duty; I felt like enough of a third wheel at work.

Unlike Tenzou, though, I had non-ANBU friends I could speak with. Koori was my neighbor up until last year, a therapist I sometimes met with, and Aburame Muta was always there for me... So why is it that I felt Tenzou got a better deal out of it?

He ate lunch with us today, to tell me about his resignation. He worked up to it by discussing our days as a team, from his perspective... "I felt at home, working alongside the two of you," he told me, "and it took me far too long to realize that you weren't doing as well. You've always been so quiet."

I haven't gotten that far yet, but there was a mission we took at the age of sixteen that caused a lot of trouble. It was apparently the first time Tenzou thought to wonder about my isolationist tendencies, because in the midst of it all he was asked to read reports from my therapist. I was not aware of this before today; similarly, I only just learned that it was Tenzou who recommended me as a jounin teacher.

Because we were no longer teammates, I expected him to forget about me. Tenzou is a far better man than I, though, and he made a point of dropping by nearly daily. I noticed that his attitude toward me had changed, but I arrogantly assumed that he visited me because he found my replacement annoying.

Tenzou didn't say anything to that effect, or mention his teammate at all. But I knew through gossip that Hatake had been assigned an eleven year-old newbie, and expected that to be a troublesome situation...

 I really did lose touch with him, huh. As children he seemed like such a straightforward person that I rarely needed words, but miscommunication has become a real issue for us as adults.

He was very close with his new teammate, an Uchiha who is currently presumed dead or rogue. That's apparently a large piece of why Tenzou is turning in his mask; teamwork is more essential for ANBU than anyone, and now that Tenzou is discovering that all three of those he considers teammates were unwilling to rely on him in times of need, he's concluded that he is unfit for duty on that level.

I didn't know how to reassure him, or how to correct him. He's very stubborn... I do think he'll be in less danger this way, but it's a pretty big change in the... From my expectations.

I think it's best if I accept his decision, however. He's taking a mission tomorrow with my two students, and he seems unexpectedly excited to teach them some tricks while they're out. I wonder if he'll have a team of his own, here soon; he wouldn't have that opportunity as an ANBU.

I'm incredibly lucky to know Tenzou, and frankly, all of the best parenting advice I've heard in the last couple months has come from him. Hopefully I don't _need_ to tell you anything about him, though. As I'm sure I said earlier, he's the first person I would want to leave you with.

Now... Let's see if we can get a word from another person I trust. Aburame Muta, I know you're listening! Would you like to comment- oh, he's running...

Sigh. He's sixteen year old already, and yet he's still arrogant enough to believe I won't notice his insects. I hope he's a little more responsible by the time you're hearing this, Uzume. For now, I have insect traps to set.


	7. Chapter 7

Today, I am a little irritated. While taking you out for a walk, I decided to show you my mother's grave and came across someone I know.

I mentioned that I knew a couple people who aren't caring for an orphan child, despite promises they made to that child's parents... This person is one of them, and he was there to apologize to those parents for it.

I suppose I'm making this tape more to guilt-trip my friends after death, rather than for your sake. If they should abandon you, I want you to be able to recognize them. It seems so far that you are able to see, and so I will do my best to give you useful information.

Yakushi Koori. I've been told that her hair is the same color blue as a famous Fire Country actress known as Sagami, and her eyes are visibly damaged. Her eyelids are intact. She has a twelve centimeter scar along the inside of her right leg, around her knee, and a small scar on her left shoulder - apparently the skin there is visibly odd. She is about twenty years older than you, and two and a half years older than me.

Koori has always enjoyed makeup and fine clothing, by which I mean fine-textured; we often hear that her outfits do not match. She is also blind, and has spent the last few years building up a community of people that have an absence or loss of vision. There are seventeen or so around the village who she coerces into meetings and trainings, and we all regularly exchange letters. She's currently working on a project for both the blind and the seeing - a collaborative book of poetry about the beauty and wonder in the world that the blind especially can sense.

I've submitted one piece to it already, but I'm working on another, longer, piece about, well, you. Even should something happen to her and I both, many copies of these poems were made and passed around.

Hmm... assuming that she is alive, I am having trouble imagining why she wouldn't be taking care of you. She has always enjoyed children. Koori did talk to me recently about how ill-equipped she feels in babysitting you right now, but that's because you're an infant. I certainly don't plan to die any time soon - I've got another five months for leave, assuming that we don't go to war. You should be much more sturdy and stable by that time.

Hmm... But assuming that she is alive, what is there to guilt her with... Well, even if she's ignoring one dead person's wishes, you can perhaps use another.

Uchiha Otohime, who recently passed, was a detective and her mentor; Otohime took child abuse and neglect cases especially, and at one point personally offered to raise you. Koori's mentor did not entirely believe that a single father could effectively raise a child, and forced me to take many classes on parenting.

Some similar class is likely still offered by the hospital - I may bully Koori into attending a couple sessions. But at any rate, Otohime is one person you could use against her.

Another is her adoptive mother that went missing long ago, Yakushi Nonou. I mention my own experiences living with Nonou in the other set of tapes, but... I was very harsh.

Nonou was a kind woman, a ninja turned doctor who dedicated herself to caring for children. Ours was the only orphanage locally that accepted blind children, and it was a task that she personally embraced. Out of the many caretakers we had as children, Nonou alone seemed to see us as people. Koori was deeply inspired by her, and I learned much from her.

Nonou most likely would be disappointed with Koori if she abandoned you. Koori should know that, but it wouldn't hurt to remind her.

Now, Iburi Tenzou, or whatever name he's using when you hear this. He took on that name after meeting some Iburi clan members, one of whom was convinced that he was their missing Tenzou. Whether or not that is the truth, this name means something to him. He has gone by a number of other names, though - Kinoe is another name that means something.

His appearance... He has brown hair and has kept it fairly long, though he's thinking about cropping it. He wears the same kind of face protector that the Second Hokage liked, and his eyes are distinctive. Heavy-lidded, and dark.

His most remarkable trait is a bloodline limit, the same wood style that the First Hokage was known for. That's somewhat a secret, though - it's more convenient at the moment if other countries believe that the wood style died with the First. His talent with wood style is such that he actually built the house I currently live in as a present, and much of the furniture as well. He enjoys studying architecture, you see...

As I've said before, he cares a lot about respect for one's supervisors and elders. Though he is only six months older than me and shorter than me, he nitpicks at the way I speak to him in public... He listens more to those who are polite, also.

Unfortunately he is a shinobi in high demand, even now that he is no longer ANBU. If he is alive but not in your life, I can imagine a few circumstances. It might be that we have gone to war again, or perhaps he's become the next Hokage, or been kidnapped... He's a responsible man, but a busy one, and he regards the entire village as family. He may decide that his responsibility to the village outweighs his responsibility toward you.

It's also possible that, because his wood style is so coveted, he may be told that caring for you would put you in danger. Tenzou avoided the subject when I suggested this, understandably. Someone close to him was told such a thing and believed it, and that person avoids the child to this day.

In my opinion, the quality of one's life is far more important than the quantity. I would rather be dead than live in a world where no one cares for me. Children raised in orphanages and foster homes often face great boredom and are surrounded by people that never quite give them the attention and love that all children need to develop properly... But those who are raised by family friends seem to be much better off.

You can nag him about that. Remind him that children are the true answer to the Will of Fire, that the way children grow today decides the village's future. He doesn't handle crying all that well, and he's a little gullible when it comes to his friends. Ham it up.

I love this village, but it's only a concept. Your individual health and development is more important. The Village Hidden in the Leaves was built for the sake of children, to change a world full of children dying on battlefields. The village was built so that children could be children, even if it is in their destiny to become killers. If it cannot be protected without harming those children, then this village is worthless.

I've said all that to him before, and he agreed at the time. Feel free to bring it up with him. Throw walnuts at him. Don't allow him to hurt you in an attempt to protect you. For a species as social as humans, loneliness can be more painful than any torture.

Infants and toddlers especially need mental stimulation. Your brain forms an absolutely ridiculous number of connections before the age ofotwo f whi will form thevbasis of your understanding of the world. During the rest of childhood, those connections are pruned away to focus on the processes you actually need, but that cannot properly occur if you were unable to form those connections in the first place.

Frankly, my own neglect could have been devastating for me, if I had not somehow been born with a full mind. Of course... It's strange to think about, but there is always the possibility that you also have strange memories from another world. Perhaps many people do.

I'm getting distracted, and it seems that I'll have a visitor soon. If both Tenzou and Koori are also dead or otherwise occupied, there's a few other close friends of mine who should want to care for you.

Aburame Muta is fairly clean, good with kids. He's still a kid himself, though, and his little brother's death had a strong impact on him. I'm not sure that he's financially capable of supporting you, either. At the moment, his spending habits are a little extravagant and he's taken to gambling. He's dating someone who annoys the hell out of me, also, and I don't know that I'd want you around that person.

My students are all too young, but... Izumi especially was so excited for you. If she lives, I'm sure she'll want to be a part of your life. She was present at your birth, even... If only she could have stayed with me at the hospital that night, she would be with us right now.

Mitomu, another of my students, claims to dislike children. Despite that, he made you a blanket, and he seemed very happy when you grabbed it. We took a few D-rank babysitting missions, and he generally displayed a levelheaded, patient attitude. His mother has expressed an interest in you as well, though she's the kind of person that believes single fathers are insufficient. I don't think you would do terribly with them.

My third student... Well. They're an Inuzuka with an aggressive and impatient personality. They've come to visit you once and could not stop being rude, and I was forced to throw them out. I don't know that you could live with the Inuzuka clan in the first place, but I really don't want you to unless it's necessary. Though they're loving, it's a tougher and wilder kind of love than a baby really needs. They're also just so... Messy. I love dogs and all, but if you caught disease from one I would never forgive that.

It's a little awkward to say that my next choice for a caretaker would probably be Genhara Akio, my therapist. He's a retired ninja in his sixties, and plenty competent... He has raised foster children before. But the matter of a client-provider relationship makes it extremely unlikely that he would be permitted to be your guardian.

There are a few people in particular who shouldn't have control over you either, in my opinion - beginning with Shimura Danzou and Sarutobi Hiruzen. I know from experience that their concept of a healthy child differs drastically from mine. After that, Hatake Kakashi, who would refuse anyway and doesn't seem to understand children at all. The same applies to Jiraiya the Sannin, who shouldn't be allowed around any child, in my opinion. He's made a number of... Insensitive comments toward young girls.

That's an awkward note to leave on, but I don't have much of a choice, it seems. Have a good day.


	8. Chapter 8

It's been a minute since I've spoken about my past, and I'd like to continue with that. Feel free to skip this tape if it's not something you're interested in... I'm making this one mostly so that I can feel like it's alright to move along and explain something else.

To recap, I spent my first three years with my parents; age 3-6 at an orphanage; 6-9 with my uncle; 9-13 in the Land of Hot Water; and I joined ANBU as a chunin upon my return to Konoha. Around fifteen, I began to focus on my gohou, and on nature energy... A little while after my sixteenth birthday, I revealed these abilities to the Hokage.

Although the gohou's rules proved an aggravating barrier, I was able to seal nature energy, access those storages, and use them to attack without the gohou's approval. My previously low ninjutsu score improved drastically, and I was soon promoted to jounin.

Only two months after that promotion, I was called to the Hokage's office along with five other ANBU for the mission that nearly ruined my career. Perhaps I shouldn't give full details, but... In the end, you have the right to know.

The Hokage began our briefing without hesitation. "There is a crisis occurring in Yugakure, and they have requested aid. One of their shinobi turned traitor and began rampaging five hours ago; he has been labeled an S-class threat. Reports hold that he has some sort of hyper-enhanced regenerative ability and has so far been unaffected by lethal attacks, including decapitation."

He paused there, to give us a moment to understand the implications. Unfortunately... This sounded very familiar to me. "The traitor is known Shogawa Ryuuma, previously registered as a chunin of Yugakure. His records," Sarutobi added, passing something to our team leader.

Tenzou was among the six assigned to that mission, and normally I would have asked him for the details left unsaid. But in this case, I knew all too well what our target looked like. Shogawa Ryuuma had been one of my friends during the time that I lived in the Land of Hot Water; and though ours had not been a very healthy relationship, when we were told to kill him... I became visibly unsettled.

The Third noticed, and held me back a moment. Those years I spent in Hot Water are technically classified, and so the other five left to pack. "I'm familiar with the target and his ability," I admitted. "Regeneration is not quite accurate." This was an important detail, of course, but I said it to distract him. I proceeded to explain what I knew. "U- Shogawa Ryuuma follows a cult known as Jashinism, which has unlocked a technique that allowed him to transfer his pain and injury to another by ingesting their blood-"

"Please report those details to your team," the Third interrupted, gently. "Were you close with him?"

"... Yes."

"Can you kill him?"

Though I knew he was questioning my emotional capability, I told him that, "If things are as I suspect, he can only die of malnutrition now."

Our Hokage can read between the lines. He knew that I had no answer, and did not ask again. He changed our orders slightly in response, to kill if possible and contain if not, and did not remove me from the mission. I regret that as much as I appreciate it.

I met up with the other five at the northern gate, and I gave them what practical knowledge I could as we ran for the Land of Hot Water's border.

Our team captain received a message soon enough which stated that Shogawa Ryuuma had fled Yugakure, and requested that we give chase: It was easiest to start that chase from the last place he had been seen.

I remember the smell clearly... On that day, the Village Hidden in the Steam was instead hidden by smoke. Half of the buildings were on fire, with the tourist sites especially having been targeted. Forgotten firework stockpiles were randomly activating, creating great noise. Evacuations were in process, though I sensed many a person collapsed and struggling for breath in that valley. And I... Really couldn't find it in myself to care about those people.

Compartmentalization, they call it. It's a skill that ninja must develop if they want to live ordinary lives off-duty, in which they take on a different personality and attitude under duress. At that point, I tended to act flippant under those circumstances. I said a lot of things I regret to the Yugakure ninja that we met with, on the outskirts of their burning city.

We left soon enough, doing our best to track a mad man with a two hour lead. We were told by the Yugakure nin that he had taken four hostages, his younger brother Hidan among them. I did not share my suspicions about that, as I was a little busy sulking.

For whatever reason... I felt that Yugakure had brought that disaster upon themselves. Uma - I mean, Shogawa Ryuuma - was never particularly loyal. He had already murdered dozens of his countrymen before that, without putting much effort into covering that up. I couldn't sympathize with such unobservant people. That was foolish and unreasonable of me, though.

... Returning to the topic of that chase, we were forced to split up after a couple hours, as the tracks split along two paths. Both smelled of the same blood, and we were not near enough to sense the target. Still, I knew well enough which path was more likely and I insisted on following it. My usual teammates went the other way.

The Land of Hot Water is a tiny country, and I came to know it well in the four years I spent there. The tracks Tenzou chose seemed to veer toward the Lightning Country border, where we absolutely could not allow him to go, but the other - the one I followed - lead to the Jashinist temple. I did not think that Shogawa Ryuuma was stupid enough to send a decoy to that place, and there were several decent ambush locations at which he and Hidan could hope to take on their pursuers.

Indeed, they entered my field of perception before long. One of his hostages was left half-dead in the middle of the road, visually alone. I had no trouble seeing through their traps, though I had no reason to do so in the first place. Rescuing hostages was not part of my mission. I signaled my companions, and leapt toward Ryuuma's familiar chakra.

"Leaf ninja, huh?" I heard him hiss as our blades clashed.

Nearby, his younger brother Hidan made a comment to the affect of, "Our cowardly village _would_ ask for their help." I took note of it only to agree with him.

I had told the entire team already that the two brothers could transfer their injuries onto another person by licking their blood.  I had also told them that I had a way of handling that, so long as only my blood was used. The other two focused on the younger brother, taking care not to be cut; I had no such caution. Within the first moment,  my arm was nicked and my blood began to trickle onto the ground. I slashed his neck, and he used his own blood to form a symbol on the ground. I didn't make it particularly easy for him to make use of that, though my plan was so reliant on it.

There's a seal I use to access a meditative state; I discovered at the age of eleven that it has a strange reaction when activated while Ryuuma's injury transference is occurring. We were both pulled into my mind at once.

It's the only place where I can see, and its appearance changes often. It was a forest on fire, that day, though not a particularly convincing one. The smells were right, as were the heat, the crackling sounds, and the form of the trees; but nothing had color.

"What a half-hearted illusion," Ryuuma sneered, his hands forming the ram seal in an attempt to escape. It had no effect, though he held it a moment longer.

The people who enter that mental world can also be seen by me. The appearance they have there is not quite right either, and depends on their own self-image, but it was still very evident that he had grown up. His distinctive hair had grown considerably, and was kept in a braid; and he had grown to my height. There is a three year difference between us, so I suppose that he was nineteen at the time.

"You don't recognize me like this," I noted. Rather than answering, he made an attempt to stab himself; his blade passed harmlessly through his skin. "You've been in this place before, though the appearance has changed."

"Did you bring me here to talk?"

"Something like that. Neither of us can harm the other in this place, so there isn't much else to do." My reply was a little too light. Though this had gone as planned, I was uncertain about going through with the next step. "Why did you attack your own village?"

Ryuuma scoffed, but gave the answer I expected. "Those people aren't ninja. They don't know anything but their own selfishness."

I nodded, tilting my head to the side. "Your brother told you to, huh?"

"W-what? That's not what I..." It must've been what he was actually thinking, though. I could sense his paranoia.

"Don't worry, I'm not reading your mind; you just haven't changed. Now... If you would really like to exit this place, it's fairly easy. You brought yourself here by making a link to me. Release your ritual, and let's talk outside."

In the real world that I could just barely sense, his brother nearly took my head off with a kunai. I don't think Hidan was even aiming for me, but dodging took just enough concentration for that mental world to waver noticeably.

"What was that?" Ryuuma asked, but it seemed that he intended to find out for himself. He disappeared, and I deactivated my seal.

"Aniki!" Hidan cried out a warning, but in the moment that Ryuuma's ritual ended, ANBU Fox decapitated him. Hidan's distraction allowed his other opponent to pin him at last.

I felt in that moment that my plan had gone too well. I had somewhat hoped that Ryuuma would recognize me, or at least outsmart me. I wanted him to know who was taking him in.

"Contact the captain," Fox requested. I did so, and learned that he was already en route. The blood clones that had acted as decoys were easily dispatched, and we were told to wait for his arrival before making any attempts to kill the two immortal Jashinists.

... Hmm. This is an aside, but... Out of all the concerns I had in that moment, I did not think to wonder what might change about the future I knew, if Hidan was stopped there. He was a named character in that manga, and  one who was always destined to betray his village.

The captain arrived soon, and I was asked to check on the hostages. "Maa, that was pretty simple. I suppose we're pretty lucky to have had your old friend, here."

"I don't know him," Ryuuma snarled, and I couldn't help but give him a hint -

"Akari, Ken. Do those names ring any bells?"

Those were the names he had known me by, only a few years prior.

"Bullshit," he said, and I took off my Anbu mask, smearing the makeup that hides the mark on my jaw in the process.

"Crane," Tenzou called, a warning tone to his voice. I didn't care to listen to him.

"You..?" Ryuuma croaked out...

... Similar to how my voice has been croaking for the last minute or so. I didn't think to grab a glass of water, and it's been a minute since I've talked for this long, with this intensity. This story is a fair bit darker than most of the ones I've wanted to tell you, and I didn't mean to give so many details. I suppose... Relistening to the other set of tapes, I've gotten a little carried away. But... well, should I stop here and continue... later... Ah, I'm probably going to have to. Uzume, as in, the baby Uzume-

_[A shrieking sound begins distantly, and increases in volume.]_

... Yeah, that. Honestly, with your lung capacity, I'd really hope you'll grow to be a fire type or a wind type... Though, once again, the path of a ninja is a difficult and unrewarding one. I'll understand completely if - ah, I should probably go already. I'm sorry.


	9. Chapter 9

This tape is not a continuation from the other day. It's probably going to resemble idle rambling more than anything. I should continue that story first, but I'm really not in the mood... If that makes any sense. I attended a fascinating presentation earlier with Koori that I would like to talk about instead.

The topic was 'reality', and though the presenter focused primarily on the value of visual sensory information in forming a personal sense of reality, he did so by presenting cases of synesthesiac people, blind people, and other people who don't perceive the world in a "normal" way.

Of personal interest to me was the tale of a man who was blind for forty years after an accident took his sight at three. He received an eye transplant and was able to see again - but his story was not a particularly happy one. Though he could detect light waves and turn them into sensory data, he could not properly 'see'. This was most likely because the occipital lobe of his brain had been reduced to near-nothing due to disuse, but sight is such a complicated thing that it is hard to be sure. He could perceive motion and color apparently, but struggled with depth, shape, and especially recognition. Ultimately, the return of his vision created more problems for him than it solved.

I learned in my first life that all of our senses have a need for processing and at least one sort of recognition, but sight especially is incredibly complex in humans. Most of us are built to process and store visual data in similar ways, with depth in a particular part of the occipital lobe separate from, say, color. Motion detection through sight can also be found in the parietal lobe, and has a different path to the eyes which can sometimes be undamaged even when the main connection to your occipital lobe is cut, leading to a patient who has no visual awareness but can still tell if something in front of their eyes moves up and down as opposed to left to right. There was also a case of a woman that could 'see' perfectly fine, but who was unable to detect movement and claimed to perceive the world as a set of images with no connecting blurs. She could not predict when something would cross her path, what direction something was going, and needed a lot of assistance in her daily life with tasks like  noticing when a cup was full in order to stop pouring. Even more interesting for me were the prosopagnosia cases and the time I learned about a man whose mind became unable to react emotionally to visual data.

Prosopagnosia is a ridiculous word... It refers to what we call face blindness.  Supposedly, there is a particular part of the temporal lobe, I think, which is dedicated specifically to recognizing faces. Nearby are the specific recognition of foods, other animals, and objects, but faces in particular are essential to a properly social human person.

As far as the man whose emotions could not be stirred by visual data, he lost a great deal more than an appreciation for art. He could still remember the way that recognition had once felt, and began to believe that the entire world around him was actually fake, taking his own lack of response to it as proof of such. He saw his own parents and believed them to be identical fakes, only recognizing them as themselves over the phone. He said something once like, "I love my mother. If that woman was really my mother, then I would feel that love when I looked at her."

His ability to recognize voices and react to those emotionally was not impaired, as one can note because of those phone calls... Those phones that he used, that I once used, were far more efficient than what this world currently possesses, by the way. They were portable, like handheld radios; enabling one to communicate with people a room over or halfway around the world.

Ninety-three percent of people had language primarily centered in their left hemisphere, by the way, while the other seven percent were mostly made up of left-handed or ambidextrous people. Perhaps that statistic would differ drastically in this world? There is far less right-hand centrism in the Leaf, at least, so the forced ambidextrosity of left-handed people is likely reduced.

If we just had the technology here and now to study the brain in motion, I would pay any amount to know more about mine. But at present there are not even screen readers. Screen readers. Though I suppose it matters little when today's computers are so weak.

Imagine, though - my sense of chakra and my sense of hearing both seem to have depth, spatial data, and motion detection at this point. I am often tempted to describe chakra signatures in colors as well, though I usually attempt to use a sound or onomatopoeia instead. Has my occipital lobe become a center for those senses instead? I really want to know. My eyes themselves appear undamaged to others and can be consciously moved. They dilate, and seem to send the appropriate wake-up signals in response to light; yet I cannot consciously perceive anything through them. Why is that? How did this happen?

I remember in that other world that people mainly seemed to isolate specific parts of the brain with a singular function only when a person with that piece damaged appeared. There was the man who put a spike through the left side of his head, just behind the prefrontal cortex, and suffered a drastic change of personality... Many seizure patient examples in which the corpus callosum was cut to isolate hemispheres... The seizure patients whose localized damage had noticeable effects... The victims of leucotomy... At the time of my death, there was still so very much about the brain that we could not know for certain. If I existed in this body, in that world, could I have become such a case?

The presentation today was focused on reality, though, and reinforced an opinion of mine about illusionary techniques. The world as we know it is already a construction of our minds that is based only loosely on genuine sensory data. Far more of our sensory information is provided by our expectations and recognition than from our actual sensory organs. So how, then, do illusions work? Do they all target relatively similar parts of the brain, or can they have a broad number of targets?

But if illusions are merely taking advantage of your recognition process, how can it be that an illusion user can show you the face of a person you've never seen? No, it's far more likely that illusions seize your brain by starting with your sensory organs and relying on you to interpret the thing properly. Still, there's something that really makes me wonder - although smell is the quickest sense to activate your emotions, it seems to be the least malleable sense for an illusion to use, even emotional ones. It is the only one of your five senses which does not cross over to the opposite hemisphere, and does not send information to the thalamus before anywhere else. So... Is it the thalamus that creates an opening? The crossover process? I really want to investigate it.

The emotional, spatial, aromatic, auditory, and temporal illusions fascinate me more than the visual. Against humans, visual illusions are too effective, and that has led to a strong focus on their use. I've had trouble learning any illusionary techniques at all be use of that, until Koori's group began making their own.

Hmm... The impact Koori's quest to form a blind community has had on the number of blind ninja... It's startling, but at the same time should have been predictable. Blind people already existed here, and nearly always have. Many of us are immune to visual illusions, and the others still will notice immediately when they are placed under one.  Diversifying our forces with people who are able to better understand an unseeing world will benefit us.

Even those of us with poor vision that do not become ninja are benefitting enormously from her efforts. The literacy rate for blind people in the country of Fire is eight percent, and among them are some who can perceive just enough to read print. Ninety-two percent of legally blind people cannot read at all. Imagine how much more difficult that makes education! I managed through school without reading only because I had many others to read to me, and because I was taken out of the main program by my uncle.

Koori was the first blind person to graduate from the Ninja Academy, and it took her several more years than the average person precisely because she insisted on being able to create notes in braille for those who would come after. She hand-punched three braille copies of each of the shinobi texts so that blind children could learn much faster and essentially had four little apprentices before she ever graduated, my Inuzuka student among them.

Of the thirty or so blind people currently here in Konoha, eighteen of us keep in contact and have agreed to work together to raise that literacy rate. Two are still in the Academy, and eight are above the age of sixty. Four of us are currently active shinobi.

Koori has a number of plans for the future, but proving our worth through service to this country is an important first step. Every time someone mentions my mistakes from that particular mission near him, Koori's favorite grandfather is at my throat again; "You are Konoha's highest-ranked blind ninja," he reminds me, "and you cannot afford to have such a reputation."

His name is Yamagata Nisuke, by the way, and he's annoying. His vision loss was caused by a cataract in one eye and his own decision to stab out the other one. He wanted them to match, apparently. Yamagata recently submitted a poem to our collective under his own name, with a theme about the changing times... It's about me, though. He is complaining about me through it. I can't decide if I should answer in kind or try for some moral high ground. Koori has yet to notice quite how many of us are using our poems to insult people, and I don't want to be the one to tell her. We are supposed to write about the world's beauty so that it can later be transcribed into print, to prove our worth as authors and artists.

Also, a six year old has been submitting hundreds of scribbles he has made with raised dots under the pretense of art. Koori has been having sighted friends of hers choose from these scribbles a few which look unintentionally artistic, so I'm considering creating a decent art piece myself. A flower or something like that shouldn't be too difficult, surely. I remember the concepts, could trace the form. More dots on one side of the form to mimic shade, and so on... But if mine is declared to be less attractive than a child's scribbling, I will die. Unless it's a scribble you make someday, anyway.

Hmm... I wonder. The doctors claim to have confirmed that you have not inherited my condition, but will you want to learn braille anyway? Koori might guilt trip you about it, but ultimately I think it is your choice. I have generally preferred tape recorders to make long-distance communication, but actual pages are easier to seal and hide. Tape recorders are also at disadvantage when you merely want a tiny scrap of information from a five-minute clip; with written word, you can go around at your own pace and skip things that much easier.

I wonder if I should leave some braille documents for you... I'll think about it. For now, I hope that you have a good day.


	10. Chapter 10

I aim to finish the story from a few days ago, though I have realized that it is a little inappropriate for children. Consider carefully whether or not you really want to hear it.

I left off with the moment that Shogawa Ryuuma recognized me... Perhaps I should explain more about our friendship before I proceed, though. The essential points  are outlined in the other set of tapes, and as I've mentioned - I would like you to be at least thirteen before you hear those. They're encoded, and the code you need will not become accessible until your thirteenth birthday.

Shogawa Ryuuma was someone I had worked for, who I helped to hurt and kill many people. He was also someone that shamelessly flirted with me, fed me, housed me, and drank with me. I had disguised myself as a fourteen year old girl when we first met, and he had continued to treat me like one. I found it amusing and exasperating in turns. Though I trusted him with my life, I didn't trust him with much else; my life wasn't something I treasured at that point anyway.

We did a number of awful things together, like hurting people and burning buildings, but I find it difficult to remember why. Was I just that malleable? I certainly worked to appear to him as though I had my own motives.

Far more than the crimes we committed, I think about the domestic aspect of our relationship from the times that we lived together. Living in my own apartment in Konoha at fourteen, I sometimes caught myself expecting him or preparing foods he liked. It was annoying in a time that I was trying to fully internalize the ways of the Leaf.

As a person, Ryuuma was easy to get along with. He had a lot in common with me, and was perhaps the first person who I felt was emotionally on the same page I was. He generally appeared stupid and gullible, with a hidden layer of wariness. Ryuuma was a little too quick to jump to a conclusion and too slow to correct his own misconceptions... In the four years that we knew each other, he never realized that I was blind. Indeed, when he caught me using braille, he merely thought it a neat code. I also remember him calling me out for a lack of eye contact, which led me to focus more on sensing detailed eye movements through chakra.

The side of him that he'd expressed during his capture and before he saw my face was a little surprising. He preferred to put on a cheery tone during fights when he was younger, even if he knew himself to be outmatched. Perhaps the strain of betraying his village weighed heavily on him, or perhaps he was physically strained by all that he'd gone through that day. Either way, he became far more himself after he recognized me.

Tears gushed out of his decapitated head so suddenly that the Anbu carrying his body parts nearly dropped them. It's lucky that Ryuuma was not in a state to take advantage. Overlooking his sentimentality, I began to scold him in a monotone for betraying his village, killing people, taking hostages, and lighting Hasuwara castle on fire.

"But you hated that one," he protested, as though this was a personal issue between the two of us, as though he had not made himself an international criminal. I ignored that to address Hidan's separated head, which responded only in swears.

The team captain had hardly gotten our weird parade moving toward Yugakure when a message reached him. His breath stilled as he read it. "Change of plans," he said.

We were the nearest forces to Lightning country, and had completed the most difficult part of our mission already. Thus, as many of us as possible were requested to head to the border and reinforce it. A report had been made by a spy that Kumogakure was making another move against us.

The captain took everyone but Tenzou and I, who were to follow him to the border as soon as possible. At my suggestion, Tenzou made a wooden cart on which we placed the cut up Jashinists and the hostages, all of whom were kept unconscious. It was a little ridiculous to pull it as we did, but it was certainly more efficient. We made it within two kilometers of Yugakure in good time.

It was as the smell of smoke pervaded us that I sensed danger. A huge presence fell on us before I could do more than alert Tenzou.

"Ahh, this was supposed to be a recruiting mission," our attacker grumbled. "Not a rescue."

"Fuck off," Hidan yelled, having awoken.

"You said you would consider our offer. Didn't you destroy your village to get our attention?" A secondary, much lower voice asked.

I was forced to seal my chakra sensory abilities to stand in their combined presence. Though chakra sensing is an invaluable skill for me as a blind person, it also proves a great weakness at times. Tenzou was the first to launch an attack, using an earth style technique that distanced our opponents from the carts. He also struck up a conversation with them, through which we learned that the border recall had been based on false information. This duo had not wanted to face our legendary captain in combat, especially with a team behind him. They had been shadowing us without my notice.

Conversation failed, and Tenzou chose to focus on the more dangerous-looking of the two. Guarding our prisoners fell to me. I had set seals on the cart already, but they were not at a level to last more than a minute against the foes we were facing. I could only manage to reach for a little of the nature energy I had stored.

The fight that came to us was not long, and the details are blurred. The seals failed, and one of our foes managed to get a clone past me to put Hidan back together. The three were too much for us, and there came a point when I moved too slowly and found myself slammed to the ground, my attacker poised to stab me through the heart.

Ryuuma screamed. I doubt he was in any physical state to involve himself physically, but the anguish in his voice was enough to force Hidan to act.

"Just knock that one out and take him with us," Hidan snapped. His rescuers weren't exactly pleased to receive orders this way, but nonetheless complied. As a jolt of chakra passed through my system, shocking me out of consciousness, I heard Tenzou cry out.

When I woke, I had an immediate rush of memories to process, and new sensory data to use. My body ached, and was twisted into an uncomfortable position. I took in what data I could from my joints, categorizing injuries, and by gently contracting my muscles, I realized that I was bound.

Nonetheless, the texture below my body seemed soft and my head was propped on a pillow. My sensory abilities were no longer bound, but my chakra as a whole had been sealed and so I could detect little. I could smell sweat, dirt, and some sort of fruity scent, perhaps from the detergent used on the pillow. My mouth felt dry, and tasted sour. I could hear little aside from my own heartbeat and breathing, at first, but I soon became aware of another person close to me.

I swallowed, to test that I could; this was enough to rouse his attention. "Hey," Ryuuma mumbled. After a moment, he added an awkward, "How've you been?"

I really wanted to answer with bitterness, but I held it back.. "Well enough," I croaked out. "Yourself?" He shuffled around unexpectedly, and the surface below me lurched. It was indeed a bed, and a less solid one than I would have preferred.

"Here, water. And I've been doing... Not so great."

He chose to set a wet rag against my lips to allow me to drink. Not the worst option; it limited the possibility of drowning and did not require me to shift my head. It did, however, wet my entire face and drench the pillow. If you ever need to water a person who is unconscious or restrained, may I suggest wringing the rag out before you set it on their face?

I didn't complain, though. My mind was in a bit of a crisis mode, and offered up some polite chatter. Such self-control can be exhausting, and I do not generally recommend it, but Ryuuma seemed relieved. He apologized for the state I was currently in, with such vague terms that I felt he must be rotting with guilt over my capture; and then mentioned Hidan. "He's in the next room right now, with one of the others," he explained.

"Are we in a hotel?" I dared to ask.

"Yeah, near Takeno." That was a detail that he really shouldn't give a prisoner, and though I was aware that it may be a trick, I felt a flicker of hope.

"I remember when we were here last," I murmured, and he laughed. I tried to get a sense of his exact location from the sound and movement.

"Yeah... Can't believe you brought up Hasuwara castle yesterday, after what you did in Takeno." He seemed nostalgic, a smile apparent in his voice. But his next words held a certain bitterness. "So... You're a Leaf ninja, huh? That suits you."

"Because I'm nosy?" I guessed, taking care to speak lightly.

"Yeah, there's that. Hey, what have you told them about Jashinism?" 'Them' presumably meant Konoha.

The honest answer was that I had said nothing about it before this mission, and had then described its workings in depth; but saying so would lead him to target my team. "I warned them that you had a technique to transfer injuries, and that I could handle it. That was all."

"Ah," he said. Apparently fond of heavy questions, he followed that up with, "were you really going to turn us over to Yugakure?"

I had hoped to have him transferred to T&I in the Leaf so that we could better investigate his immortality, and perhaps brainwash him into our service. That would have been terribly unwise to say. I chose not answer.

After several minutes of tense silence, he sighed. "You've never cared about me the way I care about you," he murmured, more to himself than to me. I found myself flinching as though those words were a physical blow.

"That's why you've got me tied up. Is this what you're into nowadays?" I deadpanned, feeling defensive.

"It was tied up or chopped up, and I couldn't-" he stopped himself there, and then continued in a quieter voice, "I'm doing what I can to save you, okay?"

That was sort of what I'd figured. He wouldn't have given me details about our location and Hidan's otherwise. Still, he was stressed and on the verge of snapping, something I do not appreciate in a savior.

"What happened to the other Anbu," I asked, feeling that a topic change was necessary. I did not expect his information to be accurate or in any way reassuring, and was pleasantly surprised.

"The rest of them started to show up, so Hidan grabbed you and I and hightailed it. He was fine, last I saw. Broken arm, maybe."

So Tenzou was alive. That was certainly good news, and meant that I began to plan a way of summoning my gohou to message him. "I'm glad." I said, a little late. "He's a good man."

"A friend, huh? Should you have those in a special unit?"

I don't know if I imagined a hint of jealousy because of our past, but I chose my words thoughtfully. "You should not, but he and his lover are childhood friends of mine."

That seemed to relieve him, though it was inaccurate. Tenzou was not dating anyone, and we were already legal adults by our first meeting. "Ah... I suppose even you would have had childhood friends. There's a lot I don't know about you, huh."

"You never really asked," I point out. I wonder if I would have lied if he had, back when I was twelve. I was under the influence of a mind-altering seal, so I suppose it's possible.

"Well, we've got a lot of time," Ryuuma mentioned, and began what was essentially an interrogation. He kept the subject matter light, at least, and after a while went to fetch me food.

"Ah, I don't eat meat any more, or fish," I mentioned, not knowing that it might spark trouble. I was thinking only of the opportunity to meditate and summon my gohou.

"You're still following Buddhist rules?" He asked incredulously. "You only went there for Nao-san, remember? But... Okay."

Though he would deny it, I'm certain that he added meat to my meal. It was such a shitty soup that I couldn't have been sure, but at least he propped me up to feed it to me. He also offered to massage my legs around the bindings, to reduce muscular damage. I didn't appreciate that, as it suggested that I might be restrained far longer than I wanted.

You know, it's strange that this memory doesn't feel negative although we spent the day fighting and anxious as hell. It was only as night fell that the situation became truly unpleasant, when one of Hidan's friends came in with a strong paralytic. "So that he can't fight back," he said, with a tone that suggested he got off on the concept. Ryuuma played along, as he is prone to doing, and I became deeply uncomfortable as he removed my bindings.

"Would you like to shower?"

"I don't want your help with it," I managed to say in a slur, trying and failing to sit up on my own.

"You might be here a while," he pointed out. "And none of us quite trust you to walk around on your own power."

"And I'm only alive to be your slave," I said with a lolling sort of nod. It was aggravating. My cognition was operational, but my body nearly unresponsive.

"I would never actually hurt you," he promised fervently. From the way he spoke, I knew that his mind was on his personal experiences. "Hidan believes it because... With what happened yesterday, he thinks I should be angry. I am angry. But I'd never take advantage of you."

Ryuuma and I... Shared a certain trauma, which I think impacted us both fundamentally. I discussed it in the other set of tapes, and don't wish to explain here, though you might've guessed already. This shared trauma had been an important part of the trust between us, as well; but throughout that entire situation, from the drugs to his vaguely pleasant voice, I was reminded of things better left forgotten.

"If I'm still here in two days, I'll shower then. Please, just let me sleep." I requested.

He slept on the floor to further convince me of his good intentions, which left me plenty of space to meditate. Finding any nature energy from there was difficult; old memories would not allow me the peace I needed. After what felt like an hour, I was able to follow a set of vines against the wall and begin to trace a mental map of the hotel through them. We were in a second floor room, with only seven windows on our floor.

I didn't sleep very well, and was bound before the paralytic had run its course. And in the morning, I tried meditating again. There was a faint sense of my gohou, which could have allowed me to send for help if I had not been interrupted.

"I don't care if you take him with, but we're leaving. We're going to meet the boss," Hidan's voice followed the sound of a door slamming open, both of which startled me.

"I'm almost ready," Ryuuma replied, but began shuffling around.

Hidan's voice was much nearer when he spoke again. "Can't believe you wanted to marry this fucker," he said. "Fucking heathen could have killed us."

Ryuuma was a good actor... But he lacked the will to lie to his own brother, I think. "I don't think Akari would have forgotten us that easily," he defended me.

"So I imagined getting chopped up, then."

"Konoha could have-"

"He was Konoha's before we ever met him," Hidan interrupted. "One of those Akatsuki guys who came to the house recognized his photo. His mom was pretty well-known: Shimura Hayami. His clan has been part of Konoha since the days of its first Hokage."

"... Shimura, huh?"

"Shimura Hisato," I murmured. I regretted it almost immediately; at that point, I had only barely accepted Hisato as my name, and there were many reasons that I had never introduced myself to the Shogawa brothers.

Hidan was a little aware of that, too. "That's just another fake name," he said dismissively. "Your real name is Shimura Kagome."

"It doesn't really matter." Ryuuma's tone did not match his words. "I'll be out in a few minutes. Wait for me out front."

Hidan did so. I listened as he shut the door, and as the sound of his footsteps faded away, Ryuuma began humming some rhythm and jerkily throwing his clothes into a bag. It took me a moment to place the song, and then I couldn't help but groan.

Encouraged, he started over. "Kagome, Kagome~. As for the bird inside the cage, when oh when will we meet, the guardian of dawn~. The crane and turtle both will slip - who is right behind you?"

There are a few variations on this nonsense song, with multiple possible meanings. I'm sure you will hear it a time or two in school, but it is an eerie and unpleasant song that has haunted me from my childhood until now. One interpretation in particular, in which the song is the story of a miscarriage, really worried me this year. But there was a rather different interpretation haunting me as Uma sang it...

"My name isn't Kagome," I told him flatly. "Anyone with a name like that would really be cursed."

"So Hisato, then." He said, still sounding off. "Like... A fire village."

"It's not written like that, no."

He didn't say anything else, just finished his business and threw me over his shoulder. I stayed in that position for the better part of the day, barely managing to remain conscious by trying to use auditory cues to place our location on a map through my knowledge of texture sounds. My chakra was still sealed, greatly limiting my senses, but I had an approximate knowledge of where we were headed. I only needed to know enough to send my gohou to Tenzou, anyway.

We stopped for food once, and I was allowed a solid fruit. I would soon realize that this had been during the afternoon, and that my gohou timeout had increased once again.

The hotel we eventually came to seemed unable to perceive my existence; I do not know if that was merely good customer service or the result of an illusion. Once again, Ryuuma and I had a room to ourselves.

"I can't stop thinking about it," he finally said. "Why didn't I know your name before today?"

It is difficult to rationally evaluate your words before speaking them, when you've reached a certain level of discomfort. "What, you think fate should've told you?"

That might have been right on the mark, because it angered him. "You didn't used to be such an asshole," he hissed. "I saved your damn life, and this is how you talk to me?"

"What were you expecting from me, a marriage proposal? I didn't ask for your affection, and I certainly didn't ask to be captured. If you feel disrespected, that's your own problem."

"So you'd rather be dead?"

My brain caught up with me before I could affirm that.

"Well?" He repeated, sounding furious. The silence went on, tension building, until he snapped. But rather than mere fury, I could hear desperation in his words. "You know, this isn't what I wanted. This isn't how I wanted to meet you again. Yugakure started this, talking about demilitarization. I didn't want to attack my home. I don't like that you're tied up. I'm not the kind of sick fuck who wants to see the person they love in pain. I hate this too, you know? But at least we're alive. Hidan's alive. Your friend's alive. I really, really want to be happy about that."

I wasn't in the mood to respond, but he had a lot more to say. "You just disappeared again. I tried to visit that temple, and you weren't there. Nao-san avoided me for ages, and tried to say she didn't know where you were from. She said I was a shitty friend to you. Like you weren't just as bad."

"No one is making you put up with me."

"So should I kill you?" His voice cracked, and he grabbed my shoulder. "That's what I would do to anyone else who hurt my brother."

"So why haven't you?" I asked, my voice dripping in disgust.

He responded with a near hysterical laugh, collapsing against me. "That's the damn question... Jashin, forgive me, but... I can't. Even when you're looking at me like that. This is pathetic... What a stupid, one-sided obsession. You haven't thought about me at all, huh?"

I realized that he was crying on my sleeve.

"I used to feel so happy when I was with you. I thought you were happy, too. I always thought it'd be like that again. I... I was thinking about leaving Hidan, to find you. I thought you were from Takigakure or somewhere like that. I thought you would make fun of me, but give me a place to stay anyway..." On and on he went, weaving a few fantasies full of domesticity and a touch of murder. Through it, he surprised me in the accuracy with which he guessed my preferences. He knew what sort of materials I preferred in curtains as opposed to sheets as opposed to cushions. He guessed my favorite foods by season and meal, something I had not realized I had a specific preference for before then, and correctly identified a few hobbies he thought I'd enjoy.

The more he spoke, the more calm I became. For a person who prided himself on his ability to act, I was surprisingly flattered that he had seen through me. I realized as he spoke that I had formed a similar grasp on his character and preferences, for different reasons, and that compromises would have been fairly achievable, if I had stayed with him.

"I figure you would probably only want one kid, and be happy with that," he finished up quietly, his eyes having already dried. "Though I'd rather have a few more..."

"You haven't mentioned where we would live," I noted. "Would we have still been in Takigakure, if that was where I was from?"

I didn't ask because I was too taken in by the vision to resist; as I mentioned, I had calmed down, and thus become able to think more rationally. I adopted a plan that involved playing along either until I could make an escape, or until he freed me.

"Huh?" He seemed to startle, like he had forgotten I was there. "Oh... Well, I wasn't really... It was just a daydream. I didn't think about that."

I couldn't help but laugh. He had described windows, but never thought about what would lay beyond them. Perhaps he was too focused on the curtains. "You're surprisingly stupid," I told him.

"Pfft," he said, and elbowed me. The softest silence yet descended, and I found myself lulled to sleep. It's annoying, in retrospect, how easily he was able to regain my trust.

[A clinking sound is heard as Shimura pauses for a few moments.]

On the second morning, my gohou finally appeared, chock full of concern and disappointment, and the resulting nature energy allowed me to deactivate the seal on my chakra. My attention jumped first to the room downstairs where Hidan and one of his friends seemed to be sitting; next, to a signature just barely within my reach; Hatake. Some other familiar people were with him, I realized soon after. They weren't moving, but I didn't know if that might change.

"Let them know I'm fine," I ordered as quietly as I could manage. I felt my gohou nod and fade out in the same moment that Ryuuma mumbled something incoherent. "Good morning," I said to him. "Rise and shine."

"It's still dark," he complained.

"That's a pity. Can I take a bath?"

Ryuuma should not have been able to detect the return of my chakra, and eventually allowed me to bathe alone after Hidan came in to administer a strong sedative. "I'll leave a set of clothes here, and you can yell if you need me," he said, with yet another difficult-to-analyze tone of voice.

I waited only a minute after he left to use yin chakra to burn through the sedative. I washed up, keeping in mind that I needed to be conscious of my scent, and then hurried into the clothes he had left for me. As I did so, a couple of unfamiliar things clanked - forehead protectors, I realized. My own Konoha protector, and an unfamiliar one. It took me a long moment to realize that it must be his, and that the symbol must be that of Yugakure. Such a gesture had an obvious intent; Ryuuma knew well enough that this bath was an escape attempt, and so he was showing his support in a way that his brother would not notice.

I hadn't expected that. I checked the headbands for traps, seals, and found none; I tied mine on, and then hesitated.

Ryuuma jumped when I appeared in the bathroom doorway, having only been pretending to read. "H-Hisato?"

"Come to Konoha with me," I ordered him, clutching his headband.

"What?"

"I'll marry you. We'll build that stupid house, have a kid, adopt a few more. Just come to the Leaf." I wasn't thinking rationally; I just didn't know what to do with the emotions surging up inside of me.

"You said I hadn't missed you. You were wrong. I... Enjoyed living with you."

"Oh," he said. Just oh. That was all he really had the chance to say, though, because I had to throw myself back into the bathroom to hide as Hidan burst in.

"Sharingan Kakashi is in town," he barked. "I'd love to sacrifice him, but he's got backup. We're running."

"Right," Ryuuma replied, grabbing for his bag.

"Did you hear anything I just said? Leave it, grab your bitch, let's go."

Considering the other decisions I made in that ten minute period, it may not surprise you to hear that I immediately responded to that statement by using a binding seal on myself. When Ryuuma was slow to respond, Hidan came to collect me. He was a little too preoccupied to notice the incongruencies, I suppose, but he really should have. I made a number of horribly amateurish mistakes.

Hatake was indeed heading toward us, with three or four subordinates trailing him. They were not quite as willing to smash up the town as Hidan's friends were, though, and so we remained ahead as we fled the town.

"They're here for Shimura, probably," Hidan hissed, having already flung me back at his brother.

"We should just kill him."

Ryuuma shook his head, although they likely couldn't see it. "I've got an idea, then. Go on ahead."

"Wh- aniki!"

"Tch. Do as you please," One man said, yanking Hidan along when he tried to stop. "We only wanted one of you from the start."

Ryuuma's jaw locked. I imagine that statement caused him to worry for his brother,  but he nonetheless stopped. Hatake caught up nearly instantly.

"Release him," Hatake had just began to say when I released myself.

"Are you accepting?" I asked Ryuuma, paying little mind to the approaching ninja.

He hesitated, distracted by his own conflicting thoughts. Unaware of my circumstances, Fox appeared behind Ryuuma poised to behead him. Without thinking, I kicked Ryuuma out of the way.

He was not in any danger of dying; Fox was right to attack him; by jumping in, I looked like a traitor. I realized these things within milliseconds of acting, but my instincts had already gone ahead of me. They were desperate for an answer to an offer I shouldn't have made.

"Crane," someone yelled, sounding alarmed. I couldn't afford to hesitate.

"Alleyway, Kari." I snapped at Ryuuma. "If not now, answer me then."

I had to prevent another attack, this time from his side, before he got the idea and ran for it. "Don't chase him," I snapped at my comrades, laying a seal on the clearing before anyone but Hatake could escape it.

"Do you know what you're doing?!" Someone cried out.

I answered truthfully that no, I did not. Even now, it is difficult for me to comprehend the choices I made.

There was an argument then - I stood between Hatake and Ryuuma, doing my best to talk them out of giving chase. Well, I was probably stalling more than anything. It's a wonder that Hatake did not run on ahead while he had the chance. Perhaps he thought I might harm my fellow men; perhaps I would have. It didn't come to that.

"We came here for Crane, and we have him," he finally said. "We'll leave it at that." I judged that Uma was out of range and released my seal; someone was quick to knock me out from there.

I woke up in T&I, naturally, and had to explain those circumstances to others as well as myself. I was convincingly bewildered by my own actions, and in the heat of the moment no one appeared to have recalled my last words to Uma. They were able to find a trace of the sedative in my veins and claimed to have found an additional chemical to it which may have altered my emotional state. It became clear relatively quickly that I was going to be permitted to return to duty, but I expected a demotion. Instead, I received an apology.

The Third Hokage is too kind, at times. He apologized for sending me against a person I had so clearly loved, and allows me to focus on the data I had gleaned from that stay, instead. I spent only two weeks under investigation, and retained jonin status; however, he asked me to resign from Anbu and try out teaching, instead.

... I actually got through it. I was really starting to think that more tapes would be required, but I've managed to squeeze many of the pertinent details in.

Well, anyway... I feel the need to say that I really hope that you form far healthier relationships with your precious people than I have. Anger and guilt should not be a regular part of any positive relationship, and you should not settle for people who would harm you physically, mentally, or emotionally. A relationship should not feel like a competition against your partner, either. It's a collaboration.

I wouldn't exactly consider my relationship with Uma abusive, but it isn't the kind of relationship I would want to see you in. My friendship with him, I mean. I suppose the... Offer I made to him probably made it sound as though... But he didn't accept it. His brother needs him, you see. I've ran into him a couple of times since that mission to capture him, and I will probably talk about that later.

My next tape will be about my adorable subordinates, hopefully. Love you.


	11. Chapter 11

Today is the third of August. It has been nearly two months since the Uchiha incident, and I've decided that Izumi has one more day before I attempt to forcefully awaken her. Her brain seems to have fully stabilized, and she has gotten _plenty_ of rest. My colleagues don't quite agree, and I suppose I might get in trouble for this.

Before then... I would like to tell you about my team chronologically, and in more detail. I finished the last story by telling you that Third recommended that I leave Anbu.

I did not have much of a choice; though the Third had pardoned me and my closest friends were willing to overlook that moment of madness, the general public took a different perspective. It was not legal for the team to discuss the mission results, of course, but they did so nonetheless. Gossip is essential to the Leaf's infrastructure, and so it cannot entirely be eliminated: only discouraged. It is entirely unsurprising that no one wanted to work with me, knowing that I had betrayed my team for the sake of a missing-nin.

I was a little bewildered by the teaching offer, though. I was good with children when I was a child myself, but much had changed. I couldn't help but question it.

"There's a particular student graduating soon... The two of you have much in common, and it is my hope that you can learn much from each other."

That created in me a suspicion which Koori was quick to confirm as I walked home with her. "Ah, if you're going to teach then Keno will probably be on your team!"

At that time, I had heard a lot about Inuzuka Keno but had yet to meet them. I had been fairly successful before then at dodging Koori's attempts to drag me into her blind community by pretending to be called away for important missions... That was one of the most annoying changes that resulted from leaving Anbu, honestly. But I did at least know that Keno was an Inuzuka, and that they were blind; and so I was terribly annoyed. You have much in common, he said,  and I had hoped that he wasn't referring to a shared disability... I wonder, would the Third have allowed Koori to take Keno as an apprentice, if I had still been occupied? Despite her genin status? He could not have thought up a punishment half as effective at deflating my ego if he had tried. After all the effort I had put into hiding and denying and overcoming my blindness, the Third came along and forced me to see it as my only saving grace. I began to think that I might well have been formally demoted for that incident if I had not been a blind person at the time that he needed a teacher for a blind student.

Koori didn't see it the same way, of course, and so I had to pretend to be pleased. It really is a miracle that she and I got along so well when we approached the matter from opposing angles, but I have come to understand and appreciate her perspective.

"What sort of fighter is Keno?" I bothered asking, though I knew the Inuzuka style well enough. "Do they have a dog yet?"

"I'm not sure, and their dog is named Nanamaru - she's so fluffy, and just learning to talk, it's so cute!"

Nanamaru is indeed an adorable dog. I fell into the habit of calling her Maruko at some point, but she was named 'Seven' because the Inuzuka tradition of using a color for the first part of the dog's name seemed a little ridiculous for a blind child. Interestingly, Keno's cousin tends to call her Nijimaru, like a rainbow. Nanamaru corrects us occasionally, but generally seems to enjoy her nicknames.

"What's Keno's personality like?"

"Type B, for sure. They're a little rambunctious, overeager at times, but otherwise really friendly and positive."

Keno actually has type O blood, and typifies that much more. I can only think that Koori was biased in their favor because of their history together.

This is a tangent, but I have AB blood and feel that I don't quite have those traits. You've got B type, which - if blood type actually impacts personality in any significant fashion - will mean that you are a more soft-hearted and forgiving person, though you are in turn meant to be a lazy and inconsiderate person. This is fundamentally bullshit.

The only positive aspect is that these blood personality theories cause people to be aware of their blood type and that of their peers, which has on multiple occasions made field surgery easier. For example, chakra-assisted blood transfusions are pointless if the new blood will be rejected anyway. I feel that many other doctors take it for granted, but in my last life hardly anyone knew their blood type. The cultural drive to know did not exist... I did not even know my own blood type.

I know that my maternal grandmother had type O, but her third son had been born with type AB, which apparently caused trouble in his incubation. I had thought that impossible, but the science at the time was discovering that many people absorbed twins in the womb and sometimes have physical parts from these lost twins who may have had a different blood type in their genes. My grandmother had two sets of twins among her siblings, and that may have increased the possibility that she was able to produce an AB child. I wonder if that same issue exists in this world? Fetus absorption, I mean...

It doesn't really matter. Detailed knowledge of genetics and the ability to test for the paternity of a child is not a skill that I've needed, so the problems posed by twin absorption are above my pay grade.

At any rate. Encouraged by Koori, I took a little bit of my free time and spent it observing the Academy. If I was to teach a team of new graduates within a few weeks, I wanted to know who I might be dealing with. Of the graduating students, only Izumi really caught my attention; the Uchiha clan generally trains their own at home rather than submitting them to the Academy, and exceptions were either outcasts or prodigies. I could not immediately ascertain whether Izumi was the former or the latter, but I had not heard her name before.

Though I didn't notice then, there were two Inuzuka in the graduating class. Neither one had a dog at school with them, for different reasons... Keno was causing too much trouble with theirs, and Hana hadn't found any she liked yet.

I just barely avoided attending my first community meeting just after their graduation exam because Keno's father, Inuzuka Unari, requested a meeting. I had never heard of him before, and he had never heard of me; though that is a little bit of a bad joke. He did know of me, but Unari is very nearly deaf. He requested a meeting in-person so that he could hand me braille documents recording details about his child that he felt I should know, including the tale of how Keno came to be blind. He burnt the pages after I read them, though I remember well enough.

Inuzuka Keno had been six at the time of the Nine Tails incident, and had been hospitalized the day before it; they had been displaying concerning symptoms for the previous few weeks, primarily an unquenchable thirst, and the hospital had wanted to perform some blood tests. They already suspected diabetes, and provided about two weeks' worth of insulin while waiting on a definite answer. The hospital itself escaped damage in the attack, and all patients were successfully evacuated - but in the aftermath there were so many people in need of immediate care that the rest were neglected, supposedly. Keno's nurses had originally made out quite the recovery plan, which included teaching their father how to provide him insulin and when; that plan was lost for several months, however.

Inuzuka Unari's father was among the critically injured, also, which caused him a great deal of stress. In the following two months, he would provide Keno with a small insulin dose whenever they displayed symptoms, typically once every couple days. As time went on, the space between doses became larger.

If you know much about juvenile diabetes, you would know that this is insufficient on a typical diet. Keno lost weight in those months and spent far more time sleeping than someone their age should have; but the state of things was such that Unari noticed nothing. It wasn't until he ran out of insulin altogether that he brought Keno in to see a doctor, having been told that the insulin was now necessary for Keno to survive.

The hospital was still in an alarming state, but insulin was one of the few medications they were not forced to ration as it is not generally useful for injuries. They happily supplied him with more, but could not give him an appointment.

That hospital day had remained a heavy burden on Unari's mind for two reasons... The nurse had called this a month's supply, though it was obviously a larger amount than he had already used up in two; and because Keno had walked right into a pillar without hardly noticing. In the moment, he had dismissed it as childish goofiness, but in the months that followed it would become apparent that Keno's vision was rapidly declining. They had been enrolled in to the Ninja Academy, but had fairly abysmal scores and seemed unable to pay attention. This concerned Unari little, because it is fairly typical of an Inuzuka - even he could admit that. It was only when Keno began to prove totally useless and quick to collapse in taijutsu that he took them in for a consultation.

The prognosis was appalling and disturbing; because he had only provided insulin when Keno showed extreme symptoms, their body had adjusted to only show those symptoms when their blood sugar levels reached a height five times that of a normal person. All the while those high levels had been damaging Keno's kidneys and nerves, especially in their eyes. Worse yet, because their body had adjusted to this concept of 'normal', bringing Keno immediately to a normal blood glucose level would have caused the symptoms typical of hypoglycemia. Shaking, fainting, coma.

They decided to begin weaning Keno into an appropriate level, lowering the point at which they began to show symptoms over the course of two more months. Their eyes continued to deteriorate, and it became clear that they would need a kidney transplant. Because Unari still desperately wanted his child to become a ninja, he asked for a pancreas transplant for them.

Around the time their blood sugar finally became reasonable, Keno's cousin Hana agreed to give up a kidney and the hospital was able to procure a decent pancreas. The procedure went well, for the most part, and Keno was soon able to produce most of the insulin they needed.

I understood as I read this story that Inuzuka Unari had provided it with the hope that I would be more sympathetic and considerate to his child, but my only emotional response was fury that I concealed with difficulty. Keno's blindness was the result of neglect and idiocy. It was entirely avoidable.

I obtained Keno's hospital records after they were formally assigned to my team, and the staff reported sending someone to check on Keno within two weeks of the Nine Tails incident. According to that report, Unari had told them that he had already come by to get more insulin. I know that either one of them could potentially be lying, but... That transplant surgery he advocated for had much higher risks because of his insistence on getting his child a new pancreas. A nurse noted that Unari said something like, "If Keno can't become a ninja, he might as well die," while arguing for it.

Koori had been overly vocal for the past few months about her plan to help blind children become ninja, and Unari had contacted her after the transplant. She hadn't been given details. At that point, Keno had a little sight remaining but operated primarily on smell. They had recently gotten Nanamaru, who was well enough trained to help Keno navigate.

The last of Keno's sight was certainly lost to neglect. As I mentioned, they became able after the transplant to produce most of their own insulin, but still occasionally require a boost. The nurses had recommended regular checkups, but Inuzuka Unari had decided that Keno's time was better spent catching up with their peers. Keno's best friend, also coincidentally their cousin, was the one who first noticed when Keno's eyes were... Well.

The hospital did not attempt an eye transplant, just removed them and  permanently closed Keno's eyelids to prevent further infection. Koori had helped Keno throughout the process, as had Inuzuka Hana, their cousin. Keno picked up braille quickly, focused on ninjutsu rather than taijutsu to make up for their still-frail body, and was eventually able to graduate in the normal time span with mediocre scores.

... I didn't mean to focus so heavily on Keno, but they were the first student I knew about and the first that I researched intently. For all that it was aggravating that the Third seemed to expect us to get along because of our similar conditions, I did feel something.

As soon as the three had received passing scores, the Third released the names of my other new students.

I nearly protested Izumi's placement because I knew that there were political ramifications; placing an Uchiha child who already had her sharingan with a blind teacher was an insult to her clan. Indeed, it was very obvious at what moment the team assignments were made known to the Uchiha clan, because several approached me within a twenty-minute timeframe... But I'll come back to that later.

The third name, Mitomu, was entirely unfamiliar and I decided to investigate him to get a grasp on the sort of person he is. Like the other two, he is an only child living with a single parent; but unlike the other two, his parents are both alive and at odds with one another.

I chose to speak with his father first, and found that he was a relatively normal civilian carpenter living along the western wall.

"My son is a wimp," he told me plainly, "and he'd be better off if he quits the whole ninja business and comes ta live with me. It's his mother that loves the ninja stuff, and he jus' goes along with it like a good kid. I try and support him, but I don't want to live long enough ta see his funeral, ya know?"

I can understand that better now, but at that point I could hardly appreciate it. I wanted data that would help me make a decision, and he was offering emotion. However, Mitomu's mother was even less helpful.

"So you're to be my son's teacher... What's your specialty? Can you use genjutsu? Do you have a bingo book page?"

She is also a civilian, and her name is Fuyumi. Because she is incredibly opinionated and absolutely enamored with the shinobi lifestyle, Fuyumi is probably the scariest civilian I've ever met. I might trust her with you, because I know that Mitomu can balance her out, but I can hardly stand her myself. My interrogation of her only told me that she believed her son to be a genius destined for eternal glory and enshrinement.

It was his Academy teacher who provided practical information. "Mitomu is perfectly polite, but he doesn't have friends and hasn't shown interest in making them. He doesn't brag or smile when he does well, and he doesn't take weapons lessons or sparring very seriously. He has expressed an interest in illusions, but little else."

I say that this information was useful, but my initial conclusions about Mitomu were also based on his father's words and were far from accurate.

Next I learned about Izumi, whether I wanted to or not. Her Academy teacher had reached out to me to encourage me to fail her; he was under the assumption that I shared my great-uncle's views regarding the Uchiha, and he was not the only one. Otohime was the first to speak to me, as she knew me better than any other Uchiha because of Koori and due to some stupid situations alcohol had gotten me into.

"Her father was killed by the Nine Tails," Otohime abruptly began after hailing me in the streets. "She's only half-Uchiha. If you blame us, at least forgive her."

"Izumi?" I checked. I had not been expecting to hear from her so soon, and not in that regard. "I don't believe the gossip," I added, a little late. "The Uchiha would have no reason to cause such a massacre."

"Right," Otohime said, though she seemed dubious. "Well. She's a good kid, strong. Very friendly. Treat her well."

As suddenly as she arrived, the police investigator disappeared. I attempted to resume my shopping, or whatever it was that I was doing, but within five minutes I was stopped by another police officer. "I hear that you'll have one of ours under your wing, soon."

"That is my understanding," I agreed.

He got down to business. "How are you, a blind man, qualified to teach a sharingan user?"

This, I was expecting. My answer was appropriately apologetic but firm; teaching Izumi was part of my orders, and I had much that I could teach to a pupil willing to learn. I had every respect for the Uchiha clan and their contributions to the village, and so on. I tried to seem sincere without appearing obnoxiously earnest, but likely failed. I didn't care much about their wounded pride.

The third Uchiha to approach me was Izumi's mother, Uchiha Hazuki. After introducing herself politely and apologizing for the interruption, she asked me, "do you talk to your uncle often?"

"Rarely." I replied. It is fairly well known that  Shimura Danzou holds a strong dislike for the Uchiha.

It's rude of me to say it, but I'm relieved."

It was incredibly direct of her. She was a middle-aged woman with a soft voice and that dignified air which all Uchiha seemed to develop; I had expected her to offset the implications of her question with a well-thought-out remark about the importance of family, or something. She followed it up with a similar honesty. "I have heard that you recently aided a missing nin. Can you explain the situation to me?"

I hesitated, surprised, but gave the answer that was required of me. "The Third has asked that we keep the details of that mission secret." I was tempted to add something hokey, like a promise that I would not betray her daughter, but I thought that would have been too much.

Hazuki nodded, then seemed to remember that I was blind. She was not aware of the minute detail that I could sense through chakra. "I understand. For now, that's all I wanted to ask. If you could come by for tea sometime to talk further, I would appreciate it."

I realized about then that I would not be able to pull a Hatake Kakashi and give my team an unwinnable test. I had already invested too much energy into conversing with their loved ones, and I did not want my political reputation to sink further by failing an Uchiha right after assuring three of them that I did not share my uncle's values. My next drunken incident would have become my last, assuming that Koori allowed me to touch a bottle again. Perhaps Mitomu's mother could have managed to exact some revenge as well.

I wish I had purer motives for genuinely considering accepting a team, but I was a sixteen year old at that time.

I'm stopping here for the moment, and I'd really like to share a thought that occurred to me a few minutes ago. Everyone on every team I've ever been on or heard of has a relatively equal distribution of blood types. I'm AB, Tenzou's A, and Hatake is O. Keno is O, Mitomu is A, and Izumi is B. With me guiding them, that's all four types. And that rule is true for - well, a few other teams I can think of, too.

Is that how the Third decides which non-clan kid to throw onto a team? If he hadn't forgiven me - an AB type blind man - would he have replaced Mitomu with an AB type child so that Koori's A type would be a good fit? I'm a little terrified just pondering it. Surely it's a coincidence.

I'm going to take a little nap, then continue with the next tape.


	12. Chapter 12

I forgot to mention that Tenzou's birthday is a week from today. August 10... He'll be nineteen, and I'll have to wait until February 20 to catch up.

At any rate, it has been a couple hours since the last tape. Perhaps I should have waited another hour, as the baby will probably wake soon, but I fear that the story may get harder to tell after tomorrow.

There was a two week period between the time that I was told of my assignments and the day that those assignments were announced to the graduating students. The Third had gathered the new jonin teachers in his office to watch and hear the students' responses, and so I am a little aware of how they reacted.

Izumi's name had been the first one announced for team six, and the teacher beside me reported that she was shaking. As Keno's name followed, she marginally relaxed and Keno called out, "who?" It was Mitomu's name that caused the greatest reaction; nearly all of the remaining unchosen students sighed with relief, and Nanamaru growled.

"Please keep your friend under control," Mitomu requested, his voice notable for its lack of inflection.

"Sensei, I can't work with this guy!"

Their academy teacher sighed. "Team assignments were arranged by the Third," he reminded them, and continued onto the next team. After they had all been called, the students rearranged themselves to sit in their new groups and wait for their teachers. I took a moment to continue observing them.

"I look forward to working with you two," Izumi began, her voice a little timid.

"It's nice to meet you, but I have no intention of working alongside you." Mitomu replied.

"You're going to resign?" Keno sneered; apparently that was supposed to be amusing, because Mitomu replied with a polite laugh. It spawned an argument that continued even after I appeared in their classroom.

Izumi was quick to spot me and apologize for Keno's yelling; I waved that off. "I'll allow you a few minutes to cool off, but please meet me on the terrace of the tea shop on Magnolia Road soon," I told them. It was not yet my duty to resolve their conflicts.

Izumi hesitated, but chose to walk with me rather than wait with them. I thought at the time that this was an indication of a sheep-like attitude, and wondered why Uchiha Otohime had described her as 'strong'.

"My name is Izumi," she introduced herself on the way.

"I am Shimura Hisato. It's nice to meet you, Izumi."

"You, too."

Ultimately, Mitomu took ten minutes to follow. Izumi had proven herself uncomfortable with silence, and I had ordered tea and snacks to give her something to do besides talking.

She is not generally a chatty person, but I had no way of knowing that it came down to nerves. I was never assigned to a genin team, instead working as a pair with Tenzou, who was a chunin at the time. I couldn't relate to her feelings at all.

I noticed that Keno seemed to be changing clothes and putting on makeup, with help from their dog. As twenty minutes passed... I found myself very annoyed. Mitomu ordered another round of snacks, mostly dango, and Izumi muttered something about a friend who liked them. I had been under the impression that she was friendless, but did not bother to ask. 

"What are our plans today?" Mitomu asked eventually.

"First, introductions. Then I'll allow you a few hours to prepare for your first mission."

"We have a mission today?" Izumi sounded slightly panicked.

"Is that a problem?" Mitomu asked her, propping his head on one hand. Before either one could speak further, Keno finally arrived and thoroughly distracted Mitomu.

"I'm sorry I'm late," Keno said with a higher and more polite voice than I had heard from them previously. Their dog echoed the apology.

"What are you wearing?" Mitomu asked, standing up. It seemed as though he was tempted to attack, and there was a genuine note of shock in his tone.

"Please, both of you. Sit, and let's begin introductions." I made an effort to sound patient. "I would like you to begin with your full name, then state a few likes, dislikes, and hobbies. Then, if you would, tell me why you chose to become a ninja."

Izumi leaned forward, but someone else was even more eager. "Today, you may call me Inuzuka Asakeno," they began, and my eyebrows involuntarily rose. "I love dogs and my family, of course. I hate losers and liars like you all. My hobbies include poetry-"

"-Crossdressing-" Mitomu mumbled.

"Shut up," Asakeno said primly. "I also like swimming. My goal is to become strong so people will have to listen to me before they decide I'm stupid. Oh, and I wanna support Hana's dreams."

I realized at last why the Third had felt that we had much in common. It wasn't just our disability; we both seemed to have something against our assigned gender. He really should have mentioned that sooner, and with more clarity. In the moment of realization, I was irritated. Was I nothing more than a fake man who happened to be blind? And so on, my thoughts tread down an unnecessary path.

"Well, my name is Okubo Mitomu." This was his father's surname, not the one on his records. "I don't know that I like much of anything, but I wouldn't mind if Inuzuka dropped dead. My hobbies aren't important. I became a ninja to kill people without consequences."

Izumi made a strange noise, and Asakeno tensed. I nodded along, not really paying attention, and gestured to Izumi. "U-Uchiha Izumi," she squeaked out. "I like... Sweets, the color purple, and... I don't like being lied to, either." Here, she nodded to Asakeno. "Um, hobbies... I like skipping rocks and cooking. I want to become a great ninja, like my dad..."

"And?" I asked, noticing that she seemed to have something else that she wanted to say.

"... And I want to bring peace to the shinobi world," she finished lamely. Mitomu gave a polite clap, and Asakeno snorted. I was just relieved that they were paying any attention to her.

"Now then," I began.

Mitomu interrupted with, "Ah, that's right. We have a mission, so you're going to have to wash up."

"What?!"

I couldn't help sighing, this time. "Wear what you like, bring what you like. It's a three day survival exercise, starting in four hours."

"I thought it was a mission?"

"It is. I am asking you to use these three days to prove that you have the skills and attitudes necessary to receive training from me."

"Are we allowed to fight each other?" Mitomu asked, trying to fail right off the bat.

I answered him anyway. "If you feel that is the most appropriate course of action. As you are all Konoha shinobi, you are not permitted to kill one another."

"Can we attack you?" Asakeno wanted to know.

I wondered what they thought would be gained from such an action. "I will be taking part in this exercise, so again, that is at your discretion. Now, if there are no more questions, let's end this here." I proceeded to give them directions for the meeting place I had chosen, and then disappeared.

Frankly, I hated all of them. Izumi seemed weak-willed and noncommittal, while Mitomu  had seemed patently uncooperative and unreasonable. I barely registered his desire to kill people, perceiving it as an answer his mother may have fed him. And Asakeno... Well. Not only had they called me a liar, they had made me wait. There was nothing particular wrong with their answers and attitude otherwise, but I was inclined to be irritated as I considered having such an inconsiderate person as an apprentice. In my mind, their team had already failed.

With that thought in mind, I spent an hour or two of the remaining time increasing the traps I had already set in the training ground I had reserved for the exercise by six hundred percent.

This seems like a good stopping point. I hate that I'm dividing this between so many tapes, but... Sigh. It can't be helped. I might not have access to this recorder for a few weeks.


	13. Chapter 13

This is the third tape regarding the formation of my Team Six, to which Izumi, Mitomu, and Asakeno belong. Asakeno is also occasionally known as Keno, but for the sake of clarity I have decided to give the name they were using at the time that the story takes place, and use neutral terminology while describing them.

Training Ground 25 had been my favorite at the time, as it was home to a much younger patch of forest. The smaller trees made travelling along branches difficult, and were spaced in such a way that I could easily set up numerous fake trees. As I was feeling particularly vindictive, I recruited Muta to move hornets into these fake trees last-minute. Aside from that, there were a few dozen pit traps, wire-triggered kunai, and countless chakra-binding seals attached to rocks and leaves.

I knew that Izumi's sharingan might see through these, but her medical records indicated that she struggled to maintain the sharingan without overusing her chakra. Besides, after our disastrous introductions, I felt that her advantage would be nullified by the others' uncooperative attitudes.

Their arrival at the training ground's entrance mirrored their arrival at the tea shop. Izumi was present twenty minutes early with snacks to share and a couple different pieces of luggage. Mitomu arrived a minute late, wearing a backpack full of yarn and books. Nanamaru, Asakeno's dog, came running along ten minutes late and full of excuses. I gamely waited thirty minutes for Asakeno, who had only brought a towel, a water bottle, some iodine tablets, and a few sugar pills. This closely resembled the supplies I myself had set aside for these few days, but I couldn't understand how they could arrive so late with so little.

"I fell asleep," they explained. Nanamaru shuffled awkwardly, as though apologetic.

"Do you need-" Izumi began to ask, but Mitomu cut her off.

"You're wearing another dress?"

"If you interrupted less, people might care what you have to say," Asakeno told him.

I coughed to gather everyone's attention. We were already thirty minutes off schedule, and they could argue with each other later. "I would like to begin. We will spend the next three days in this training ground; if you leave the grounds during this time without my explicit permission or if you are unable to leave within ten minutes in three days' time, you will be stripped of your genin status and returned to the Academy."

Asakeno snorted at this, and contrary to my expectations, Izumi straightened up. It was Mitomu who questioned my ability to make that judgment; I assured him that he could take the matter up with the Hokage.

"Now, the time is..." I allowed my talking clock to belt it out, " ... and this mission will end exactly three days from now, at this same place. I wonder who I'll meet there." I then disbursed; I had left a shadow clone to greet them while my real self meditated. I noticed that they immediately split, with Mitomu -

_[transcriber's note: something slams in the background as Shimura pauses. A second voice becomes audible, and I will use initials to indicate who is speaking.]_

SH: You're home early, Sasuke.

US: It's five o'clock.

SH: Ah... Is that so.

US: Are you sick?

SH: Something like that. Do you have homework?

US: ... I'm going out back.

SH: If you could be a little quieter while training today... Yesterday you woke Uzume.

_[transcriber's note: After a few seconds, Shimura addresses the tape recorder again.]_

... Hmm. I'm really stressed, aren't I. I could have sworn that I had more time. Anyway, that was Uchiha Sasuke. You puked on him yesterday, and he deserved it. He's a pretty straightforward person, though, and I enjoy teaching him. He certainly pays more attention than the other three. I may randomly stop talking if he comes back in - I'm flopped across the kitchen floor at the moment - but that probably won't be necessary.

Where was I... I mentioned the rules I set for them, and then released the shadow clone that had been at the entrance with Izumi, Mitomu and Asakeno. My real body was meditating elsewhere, and upon receiving the clone's memories I began monitoring them. Of the three genin, Mitomu was the first to split. I suspect that Asakeno and Izumi had some discussion, but they worked together for a time. An hour passed in relative peace before Nanamaru stumbled onto a chakra-binding trap.

If the three had made a better first impression on me, I would have warned them that they needed another person to free them from it by pouring their own chakra into the seal. It was a little fun to observe their struggles with it instead, honestly. Izumi activated her sharingan to examine the seal, and I took note of the way those eyes changed the entire feel of her chakra. Ultimately, they settled in where the dog had collapsed and seemed to build up some kind of camp.

In the other direction, Mitomu fell through a fake tree. It was one without hornets, but I'm sure that it still gave him cause for concern. He had been racing around, perhaps looking for something in particular, but slowed down after that. He did not seem to notice that the fake tree had passed a seal onto his back when he smashed it, however.

I had not yet fully decided if I wanted to involve myself in their test, but I resolved to spend the first night simply observing. There wasn't much happening; Mitomu attempted to stay up reading all night after finding a stopping place, but he nodded off around two in the morning. Izumi and Asakeno attempted to sleep in shifts, but only got a few hours' sleep each. Both seemed very tense.

Around seven in the morning, I decided that Mitomu had slept enough. I approached his camp and kicked a rock at him; I heard it connect, but he did not wake. Rather than stick around, I lit a couple of his books on fire and went to check on Asakeno. I surrounded myself in a slight aromatic illusion to prevent Asakeno or her hound from detecting my approach, but I needn't have bothered. Nanamaru was asleep, still very much sealed, and the two genin near her were arguing.

I listened for a moment from a tree two meters from Nanamaru; the gist of it was that Asakeno wanted to blame Izumi for Nanamaru's current state, and Izumi wasn't willing to be held accountable for something she had not done. There were two more days to fuck with them personally, I decided, but for that moment I knew exactly how to worsen their argument. I kidnapped Nanamaru.

She isn't a small dog, but I managed to tuck her against me in a fashion that was probably more comfortable for me than for her. I felt a little bad, and decided to release the seal on her chakra as we went. I waited until I could sense Asakeno and Izumi going their separate ways to wake up Nanamaru.

I may have been unclear about what sort of dog Nanamaru is. To clarify: she is a fairly large poodle, probably white, possibly gray. She was five or six when we first met, and is eight now. Not a puppy at all, though her speaking style contributes to such a misunderstanding.

"Where..." Nanamaru began, looking around. "Where's Asa?"

"Looking for you, most likely. Ah, not so fast." I said as Nanamaru jolted up. "This is part of the test. I want to know that they can track under these circumstances." I made that up as I was speaking, but decided that it wasn't the worst plan.

I really wasn't interested in taking those three seriously, overall. I would hope that you don't think I planned this poorly at important times; I really am a thorough person, under normal circumstances. I just... really couldn't find it in myself to take these children seriously.

... But, at any rate. Asakeno was not the first to approach me on that second day; Mitomu happened upon me while the other two were still far away. I didn't bother to hide myself, and opted to act as though I had not noticed him. He snuck within two yards, and began what I recognized as a minor visual illusion, casting it on Nanamaru and myself.

"I may have forgotten to tell you that I'm blind," I commented, not bothering to turn in his direction. Mitomu just about jumped out of his skin, but recovered quickly.

"Are you the one that burnt my textbook?"

"Hmm? Ah, that. You looked cold, and it seemed like good kindling."

"Was it because I fell asleep?"

I hummed at that also, but did not bother to answer verbally. Lazily I began forming hand seals, and he responded in turn. I cast a vestibular illusion, and he attempted to use an auditory illusion. When he moved to attack me, he fell and puked instead.

"What... Is this?" He hissed.

"I've affected your sense of balance," I replied, stepping forward to activate the seal on his back. More than chakra-binding, this was a paralysis seal that prevented movement from the neck down; the method for releasing it was the same, though. I even bothered to let him know that he needed to be freed by another person if he intended to pass my test.

"Then you might as well kill me now," he grumbled. "They won't help."

"I wonder whose fault that is..." And having given those parting words, I tied Nanamaru up and left. She expressed great confusion at this change of plan, and was resistant to it; but I was fairly certain that Asakeno could find her and Mitomu easily. I didn't go far, as I figured there would be a high entertainment value associated with this meeting.

Indeed, Asakeno arrived within ten minutes. This was absurdly late for an Inuzuka, who should be built for tracking and pursuit, but I suppose they were distracted by their anger.

"Asshole!" Asakeno screamed from the edge of the clearing. The paralysis seal was not something they could smell or hear, and so they seemed to grow wary when Mitomu didn't move.

"Asa!" Nanamaru called out, sounding more excited than a prisoner really should. I heard the absurd noise of her tail slamming the dirt, and wondered how it had come loose. Restraining dogs was not a specialty of mine.

"Nanamaru, are you okay?"

"Your dog is fine, she's just-"

"Oh, shut up. You smell awfully scared. I wonder, can you move?" It seemed that Asakeno had finally gotten a grasp on the situation, and took a few steps forward with confidence.

"He can't," Nanamaru helpfully informed them. "Me neither. Teacher got us."

That was an interesting choice of words, but I was a little disappointed that Nanamaru had ratted me out so easily. Didn't she hate Mitomu herself? Why would she help his case?

"Beat him up anyway," she added, confirming what I'd thought before.

Asakeno was a more cautious person than I'd thought, and asked their canine partner a few more questions before they approached and began to untie her. In the meantime, Mitomu made an effort to catch his jaw on a rock in order to roll a little. I had heard of people capable of pulling themselves along by their jawbones, but Mitomu did not have time to develop such a strategy before Nanamaru came over and sat on him.

"While we've got you here... Do you know how Nanamaru got her chakra back?"

"Go kill yourself," he said.

"Oh, I hoped you would say that. Let's bury him, Nana."

"Yay!"

"I'm not a child. I'm no longer afraid of worms."

It was at this point that I realized the two had some history, that their dissonance likely had its roots in something aside from Asakeno's clothing decisions.

"Well, I guess we'll find out. Dig deep, Nana! Let's bury him up to his neck."

"... Can you just beat me up and leave me be."

"Oh, but you'd like that too much." Asakeno's voice took on a mocking tone.

"Forget about that already. I was wrong. You're disgusting."

There are a lot of ways to interpret their exchange, and I amused myself by contemplating it all.

"Aren't you the one that's disgusting? I'm living my life true to myself, and you're out here acting like it hurts you. You even told me I look cute, and that you-"

"I thought you were a real girl! You tricked me."

... My amusement dissipated around then. A solid theory for their history was forming in my mind, and it was an unpleasantly familiar one. I hadn't been sure earlier quite how Asakeno actually felt about gender, but in that moment they made it clear.

"I'm a real girl when I'm a girl, and I'm a real guy when I'm a guy. But it's stupid of you to take it so personally when I was gonna turn you down anyway."

"Excuse me?"

Nanamaru cut that conversation short. "Hole!" She announced, pulling herself back out of it. Asakeno hurried to help, and then they worked together to push Mitomu into it.

"You'll die alone," he said as they began to push dirt in around him. "Nobody will ever want a freak like you."

"You wanted me, remember? Anyway, you're the one that's alone, asshole. I'll always have Nana."

"Dogs live fifteen years, maximum."

This was the remark that broke the camel's back. Asakeno dove into the dirt to deliver a solid kick into his gut.

"Pathetic," he wheezed. "Don't you know how to use chakra enhancement?"

I understood his plan from there, but there was a fundamental issue to it. The outside chakra he needed to become free had to be passed through the seal on his back, and Asakeno was far more willing to attack him from the front.

After the third hit, Mitomu seemed to realize that it wasn't working at all, and made a fair guess about why. "What a - great - massage; any way you could - do my back next?"

"You're so messed up," Asakeno said, disengaging. "I don't even want to hit you anymore."

... Oh, that reminds me of a concept. Can't believe I'm interrupting myself to give you a fun fact, but research in that other world suggested that involuntary emotional reactions to outside stimuli last 90 seconds in the body, at best. After that, if you continue to feel angry, scared, disgusted, whatever - what you are actually reacting emotionally to are your thoughts. Many people are under the impression that they cannot change their emotions because emotions are caused by outside forces beyond our control, but far more emotions are caused by our reactions to ourselves. It can certainly be difficult not to think about awful things, even when you know that thinking about it is what is causing you to feel, but we humans do have an innate coping skill for that: distraction. Force yourself to think about something else. Viciously multitask until reactionary thoughts are gone.

... That wasn't actually relevant to Asakeno ceasing her... their assault on Mitomu. Sorry, I am trying to recapture the way I was thinking and what I was perceiving in that moment, and I had thought Asakeno to be entirely and only female at the time, though they had planted a seed of doubt through that conversation...

Oh, right. Have I mentioned yet that Izumi was closing in on the other two during that beating? She seemed distraught, unsurprisingly. Asakeno also sensed her approach amidst burying Mitomu, and told him, "looks like you've got some luck. Maybe she'll help you out? I wonder. Anyway though, Nana - are you good?"

"Let's go!" The dog responded, tail wagging. She still does that just about each and every time someone says her name, even incorrectly. I don't think it is a conscious reaction.

Izumi came into Mitomu's line of sight just as Asakeno fell beyond it. "U-um," she said, slowing down. "Are you... Okay?"

"Is that a serious question?" He huffed under his breath.

"What?" Izumi asked, though I'm fairly certain that she heard him. Through her chakra I could feel her embarrassment.

"Nothing... Can you help me out here?"

"Um, how did you get like this?"

"Just dig me up enough to pour chakra on my back, please. I'll, make you a scarf or something."

Izumi thought on that for a moment. "No," she decided. "If I free you, I'd like you to apologize to Asakeno."

"They're the one that should be apologizing," he answered. "But-"

"If that's what you think, then please tell me your side of it," she requested. "He... She told me that you had been friends but in different classes, that you'd always seen her wearing dresses, and that she told you more about herself after you asked her out."

"They lied to me," he insisted. "I wouldn't have been interested in a guy. What would you think if the person you liked was actually a girl?"

  
Izumi spluttered, but managed a coherent answer. "I-if the person I like! Turned out to be a girl, w-well. I'd still want to be friends!"

"But they would have tricked you," he persisted.

Izumi took a few breaths, and thought on that. "I've never actually asked if he's a guy, and he's got long hair and a pretty face... If I'm the one who misunderstood, then it's my problem, right?"

"Huh?!"

I was also surprised by how open-minded Izumi seemed to be. She and Asakeno must have had quite the talk, I was left thinking, though I know a little more now.

"It's not really her you're mad at," Izumi said. "You need to forgive yourself, and apologize for ruining your friendship over that."

"Shut up, and go away." Mitomu's tone had deadened out again, presumably because he had finally realized how much he had lost a grip on his feelings.

"You don't want help?"

"Not from someone like you."

Izumi nodded, unsurprised, and lit up her sharingan. He took a sharp breath in response, feeling that instinctual fear that most do upon seeing the sharingan, but Izumi did not use it against him. She scanned my little clearing instead, looking for traps, and turned it off within seconds.

Izumi staggered a little; her chakra depletion from a few seconds' use was absurd. Then she set her packs down and began to gather twigs.

"What are you doing," Mitomu asked, exasperation creeping back into his tone.

"If I'm going to spend the night here, I want a good fire."

She was unwilling to abandon him, but unwilling to free him if he could not meet her conditions. I was a little impressed. All three were still fools, but... In that moment, I saw some potential in Izumi.

As those two talked, Asakeno had managed to crash through a hornet-ridden tree, and I decided to go and observe that. It was about as fun as I'd expected; both her and Nanamaru were howling and running full tilt toward the forest's edge. Nanamaru barely noticed the fence around the training ground in enough time to prevent Asakeno from smashing through it, which I would have been happy to treat as a resignation. As they were moving thoughtlessly, they soon fell into a particularly large pit trap.

"Are you kidding me?!" Asakeno roared, anger finally overcoming fear. Only a few hornets followed them into the hole, and Nanamaru and her owner began to snap at them. The awful taste of the hornets was likely offset by the feeling of triumph; they emerged from the pit within a few moments, victorious.

I followed them for a while as they mapped the area, noting when Asakeno's stomach began to growl. "Shut up," they told it more than once, but Nana was soon growling along. I wondered whether they had begun to regret only bringing sugar pills. I would discover later that Izumi had repeatedly offered them some nutrition bars she had packed, but Asakeno had bragged that they could manage wonderfully without. It had been about a day since the snacks at the tea house, and they seemed miserable.

There was food available throughout the forest - bugs, bark, small animals, mushrooms - but the autumn chill was hitting hard that year, and I doubted they could pull together a satisfying meal.

As I checked in on Izumi and Mitomu, I found that she had changed the conditions of her deal with him. He had to apologize to Asakeno first, and then she would release him. Presumably Mitomu had admitted that Asakeno had buried him, because Izumi was firmly convinced that Asakeno would come by sometime soon to check on him.

It seemed that they were all settling down for the night, and so I created a couple shadow clone and took shifts sleeping and observing. Asakeno tried to do the same with Nanamaru, but consistently ran into problems. Some type of rodent made off with their sugar pills partway through the night because Maruko dozed off, and Asakeno gave up about then, gathering and eating mushrooms. When they had a stomach-ache in the early morning, they mistook it for poisoning and began overdramatically screeching about it.

Izumi managed to stay up the entire night, clumsily trying to knit after learning the basics from a half-buried boy. Around one in the morning, when Mitomu woke again to the sensation of something slithering in his shirt, he began to talk to her about the joy he had found in killing small creatures in the woods. For the most part she seemed disgusted, but attempted to listen with empathy.

"I don't understand you at all," he eventually said. And then her story came out - about her father's death in front of her during the Nine Tails attack, about being forced to live with her mother's family, about the difficulties she has had in making friends. About how the only good friend she had seemed to be avoiding her.

"I don't want to be alone," she said. "I just want to have friends. We're teammates now, so we need to get along at least."

"You're annoying." But Mitomu's feedback did not sound as harsh as it ought. He seemed thoughtful.

Indeed, Izumi's attitude was admirable, but she was the only one I had not yet harmed personally. I decided to change that in the morning of our second day, by dropping a horde of roaches in her bag while she was otherwise occupied. She had mostly brought clothing, blankets, and food, with a small bottle of pain medication as well. As I noticed this, I wondered why she expected to need it.

After consuming her food without her notice, the roaches then took notice of Mitomu's sweaty face and hair. His shrieking was vaguely satisfying, and caught Nanamaru's attention from across the grounds. Nanamaru had been pacing and nervously whining as she waited for Asakeno to stop composing herself a death poem, and took this opportunity to get help for her.

"Don't just leave me here!" They wailed after Nanamaru, getting up and gave chase. Izumi was in the process of stabbing roaches with kunai when they arrived, and Mitomu had continued to scream in the meantime.

"Asa's dying!" Nanamaru announced, though I doubt Izumi could hear her over Mitomu. And so the four were united, with sixteen hours left to go. 

There weren't many more personal conversations in that time, and Mitomu persisted in an unwillingness to apologize. He remained paralyzed because of that, with Izumi defending him from my various pranks. She grew more and more tired and stressed as that time wore on, but continued to stubbornly encourage the others to work together. I began to wonder if she had been told of the nature of this test, for I could not imagine having such tenacity otherwise. As I have already said, self-discipline is mentally exhausting and requires calories. Even temporary starvation, combined with stress, can force people to act in a more honest manner. And indeed, Asakeno's confidence seemed to give way during the third day, and Mitomu only grew more annoying. Izumi remained appallingly kind, though she began to complain about nonliving things soon enough.

With two hours left, I had a decision to make. Had I seen enough to pass or fail them? Did I have enough of a grasp on their weaknesses to make training schedules? I chose to give them one final test, and waited for them at the gates. Asakeno noticed me first, naturally, and the three of them soon stood before me.

"Nice and early, this time," I noted. "Did you enjoy yourselves?"

Asakeno launched the first attack, which was a relief. I had already intended to attack them, but this gave me an excuse. I dodged their kick easily, and slid over to free Mitomu. I saw no reason to keep him in that state, when my intention was to measure their weaknesses. Their failings were exaggerated by exhaustion, dehydration, and strain; I was still able to use the data, however. I'm running out of time to talk, so I'll just summarize; Mitomu proved to be physically weak, as I had expected, but very resilient. An attack intended to knock him out only dazed him. Izumi was certainly better with taijutsu than the other two, but her sharingan activated without her notice when Asakeno fell, and she soon fell also. Asakeno... after I broke their nose, they became rather useless. Though they continued to attempt to attack, they were not able to aim effectively and caught Nanamaru twice, despite the dog's frequent advice. It hardly took five minutes to have all three on the ground panting.

"An hour and thirty minutes until you can make your way out," I said, after asking my talking clock. That time didn't quite feel right, but I assumed that my own perception of it had been altered by a few nights with little sleep. When I began to snack on senbei thirty minutes later, Mitomu rose to fight me for them. Asakeno soon followed. I was still able to eat them all without much trouble by simply moving around, and the two collapsed in disappointment at the sight. I waited another thirty minutes to unseal some soup and juice, which likewise drove Mitomu and Nanamaru to action. Izumi followed soon after, and I found it a little difficult not to spill anything thanks to her contribution. Asakeno stayed down, attempting to restore their nose. I hadn't known that they could use yin healing chakra, but they did not seem to be particularly good with it. I began to set seals out during that fight, though I did not yet activate them. I found that Izumi was only familiar with visual genjutsu, unsurprisingly, and I was able to trick her into believing that she was trapped in a particularly strong visual illusion by affecting everything else.

At one point, I took pity on Asakeno and used an illusion which caused them to falsely believe their sense of smell had normalized, and I provided approximately correct smells... until I got them to use fang-over-fang on Mitomu, anyway. He did not appreciate that, and the two began to fight one another. Izumi saw this, but likely believed it to be a misdirection, and continued to attack a tree. I checked with my clock, and found that they had around twenty minutes. As I had the time to stand and contemplate, I realized that they all had a little potential, that I could envision their improvement. I activated the seals I had placed on the ground, and teleported them back into the center of the training grounds.

They did not arrive back in time, unfortunately. This was somewhat surprising to me... I had thought them to be in better condition. I was prepared to forgive them anyway, after a little lecture... but as I was in the midst of doing so, Mitomu suddenly made the release seal. "Check your clock again," he said. 

He had applied a subtle auditory illusion during our first fight, he claimed. And that's how they were able to arrive with a minute to spare.

... Hoo. I have a changing braille clock now, and it seems that it's past time for me to make dinner. It's still far too soon to feed baby Uzume solid food, but she seems to like sitting with us in a carrier. Assuming that Sasuke will eat on time, anyway... If I'm still nervous for tomorrow after dinner, I'll make another tape.


	14. Chapter 14

It's about two in the morning, and I'm out in the yard. I couldn't sleep, and I don't want to wake Sasuke or little Uzume up... Tonight's a little nostalgic. The last time I sat in my own yard in the middle of the night, someone tried to arrest me for public intoxication... But the police are no more, and of the Anbu on duty right now, none of them particular care.

I have decided that I will not have another drink until you are old enough to legally drink with me, but it still hurts a little to think that Otohime will never again harass me about my drinking habits. Supposedly I become obsessed with fire after a few glasses, and have caused a few incidents that way. Koori was generally my handler in those circumstances, and would call on Otohime when I became too much. She threw me in a cell once, I think. It is really difficult to conceptualize her death, especially when she is just one of many who fell that night.

I think that once Izumi is awake, things will change. They will have to change. Maybe those deaths will feel more real, or perhaps they will feel less important by comparison with those who have lived.

I don't think that the tragedy has really sunk in for Sasuke, either. He decided to learn medical techniques, and is extremely determined to train. Still, I think that... Somewhere deep down, he's hoping that it will all turn out to be a joke. He can't remember anything from that night, and the Anbu who secured the scene didn't allow him to see any of the bodies when they woke him. I imagine that it is very easy for him to unconsciously believe that he can earn the right to see them again. If his drive doesn't fade with Izumi's awakening, I'm going to find him some specialists to train with. Though he isn't permitted to graduate before the age of eleven, that's no reason to hold his training back. I don't intend to allow him to overstrain himself and cause injuries that will impact him later in life, but there is plenty of information and experience that he can gain nonetheless.

Ah, but I didn't start this tape to ramble about that; I was going to talk about my team.

Mitomu's strategic use of a minor illusion had caused them to pass, fair and square. He had made an effort to prevent Asakeno from arriving on time, but Izumi had talked him around somehow. There had certainly been teamwork involved, and so I decided to call it good. After congratulating them and receiving a chorus of complaints, I told them to meet me at noon the next day in the Hokage tower to take their first real mission.

As it was already evening, I decided to visit Aburame Muta. At the age of fourteen, he still lived in the Aburame clan grounds; he has always been the night owl type, though.

... He lives in an apartment now, and it's about a two minute walk. I might head over there, as I can sense that he's awake.

[transcriber's note: indistinct shuffling noises punctuate that statement.]

But anyway, when I visited him after passing Team Six, he was eager to spar. We traded news with blows; I thanked him for planting the hornets, and told him of my plan regarding Mitomu's presumable fear of insects. In turn, he told me about his most recent busywork as an Aburame clan member. His clan is often called on to deal with insect infestations, and Muta regaled me with the tale of a forgotten room in the Hokage tower that he had been asked to help with. He had already gotten the live insects out, but was hoping to have a genin team clean out the dead instead. "The dust is too much for us," he explained.

He used the plural when referring to both his human self and the chakra-eating bugs living within his chakra pathways. I have always wanted to investigate how it is that they can share information and pain with each other, and why it is that the insects are alright with this deal. Is it truly in their best interests to serve the Aburame? Do they really have a consciousness, like Muta claims, or is he merely that desperate for social connection to another living thing? I want to know, but I wouldn't know how to test it. Consciousness is difficult enough to test for in people.

"Perhaps my genin could take that on," I mused.

Indeed, when Team Six assembled for the first time before the missions desk, we were given three options. Watching the daimyo's wife's pets for two hours, cleaning out a forgotten room in the Hokage tower, or picking weeds in a greenhouse.

"Well, we're already here," Mitomu murmured. "Let's clean the room." Asakeno, having read the note I had passed two minutes ago, nodded fervently.

Izumi seemed heartened that the two were agreeing something, and also opted for it. I kept my smile small and reasonable as the chunin behind the desk began reading the instructions out for us.

"Your orders are to remove dust and such from the room and scrub the walls, ceiling, floor."

I was thankful that he had not mentioned the room's real problem by name. It made the reveal thirty times more satisfying; I had removed the tarp blocking access to the hole in the hallway with unnecessary flair, and they gasped accordingly before choking on the dust. I had the sense to apply a cough mask to my face before I flipped it, of course, and offered the three masks and gloves for themselves.

"No thank you," Asakeno said bravely, though Nanamaru gladly wore the one I had made especially for her. "I navigate by smell, you know."

They would come to regret that decision later, when it caused them a sinus infection.

"How is this a task for ninja?" Mitomu, of course, complained.

"Our duty is to serve and protect our country. This falls under 'serving'." I smiled at him. "But don't worry. I have a four hour training session planned after we're done that will be much more ninjalike."

I heard multiple groans, but pretended that I could not. This was plenty fair, in my opinion.

When they actually set to work, they became much quieter. Izumi used a broom to gather spider webs and drop hornet's nets. Mitomu held a dustpan while Asakeno swept at him, and continued to ask every now and again if I was certain that there were no living insects remaining; I couldn't sense any, and had faith in Muta's abilities.

By the way, I stayed in the hallway with a set of seals designed to repel dust surrounding me. While I am certainly not afraid of dirt, I avoid it when I can.

All in all, they removed six bags of dust and insect remains before they began scrubbing the walls. I would say the first part took maybe an hour, while the actual cleaning required twenty minutes at best.

"Please, please let us shower before we train," Izumi begged, after we confirmed our missions completion with the desk.

"It's just-" sneeze, "-a little dust! You'll need to shower after training anyway, you know!"

"No, no. Please shower and change," I requested. "Let's meet at Training Ground 25 in an hour."

That would essentially become 'our' training ground, as we rarely used any other. The first dozen training sessions focused on Academy-level skills, ensuring that they actually had the basics down. The Academy style of taijutsu didn't suit Mitomu at all, and I began teaching him the Shimura way. Izumi's taijutsu was excellent, but her chakra control was low and her reserves surprisingly tiny for an Uchiha. I set her on exercises meant to address this. And Keno... They were weak with genjutsu and taijutsu, and were prone to dispute. I was initially uncertain how to address this, and so spent our first week putting them under illusions and having a clone spar with them while their chakra was bound. Maruko helped where she could; I was really unsure what kind of training to offer a dog, and eventually turned to Hatake for advice. A month passed before I felt like taking them on a C-rank... But I can come back to that.

_[transcriber's note: After a knocking sound, another voice becomes audible. I have once again used initials.]_

AM: Say the password.

SH: Jugemjugemgokonsurikirekaijarisuigyo no Suigyomatsunraimatsfuraimatsu kunertokonisumutokoro Yabukojinoburakoji Paipopaipopaiponoshunngan Shunngannogunndai Gunndainoponpokpiponpokna Choukyumei no Chousuke.

AM: I need you to repeat that.

SH: Jugemu Jugemu Goko no Surikire Kaijarisuigyo no Suigyomatsu Unraimatsu Furaimatsu Kunerutokoro ni Sumutokoro Yaburakoji no burakoji Paipopaipo Paipo no Shuringan Shuringan no Gurindai Gurindai no Ponpokopi Ponpokona no Chokyumei no Chosuke.

AM: Hm. Acceptable.

_[transcriber's note: There's a clicking sound that's probably a door opening.]_

SH: I told you about the audiotapes I'm making...

AM: After I caught you talking to yourself. Would you would like an interview from me?

SH: Well, it's already on. I've been talking about my genin, telling the story of our team's formation.

AM: Uzume will meet them herself. Unless... Has Izumi's condition changed?

SH: It's not like that... Anyway, do you have any stories you'd like to tell?

AM: Have you already taped Jugemu?

SH: The naming story, and the time he hit a friend... Also, stopping at the first name is against the rules.

AM: Then, I can talk about the time he drowned.

SH: The time he nearly drowned, you mean.

AM: It's more amusing if his name kills him.

SH: He didn't die that way, okay? I'm going to make tea, so tell it properly.

AM: Understood.

[transcriber's note: After some painfully loud shuffling noises, Aburame Muta is left alone for the rest of the tape.]

Cough... Is this a good distance? I am not certain how far this can hear...

My name is Muta, and I am a friend of your father's. I understand that you have already heard the tale of Jugemu Jugemu Gokounosurikire Kaijarisuigyono Suigyomatsu Unyoumatsu Fuuraimatsu Kuunerutokoroni Sumurutoko Yaburakojinoburakoji Paipopaipo Paipono Shuuringan Shuuringanno Guurindai Guurindaino Ponpokopino Ponpokonano Choukyuumeino Chousuke's birth. Tonight, I will teach you about his death.

This story takes place in a village so small that one could hardly call it such, which overlooked a deep lake and was not far from a temple. There were five children in this village, and only two were big enough to climb the gate which blocked access to the lake. These two were named Kin and Jugemujugemugokonosurikirekaijarisuigyono Suigyomatsunyomatsfuraimatsu kunerutokoronisumutokoro Yaburakojinoburakoji Paipopaipopaipono Shuuringanshuringanno Guurindaigurindaino Ponpokopino Ponpokonano Choukyuumeino Chousuke.

They were rivals and childhood friends, and challenged each other often to moronic dares. Both of them had been told by their parents to stay away from the lake, but in their ninth summer, Jugemu Jugemu Gokounosurikirekaijarisuigyonosuigyomatsunyomatsfuraimatskunnetokoronisumutokoyaburakojinoburakoji Paippaippaiponoshuringan Shuringannogurindainogurindaino Ponpokopinoponpokonano Choukyuumeinochouske challenged Kin to swim from one end of the lake, to the other.

Though Kin did not know how to swim, he was a nine year old boy and could not refuse the dare without losing face. He dove into the water as though he intended to run through it and was quickly overwhelmed. Kin began waving his arms and bobbing in the water. He was not able to scream because his body's instincts regarding drowning did not allow it.

Jugemu must have been trained in - sorry. Jugemu Jugemu Gokonosurikirekaijarisuigyono Suigyoumatsu Unyoumatsu Fuuraimatsu Kuunerutokoronisumutoko Yaburakoji no Burakoji, Paippaippaiponoshuringan Shuuringan no Guurindai, Gurindaino Ponpokopinoponpokonano Choukyuumei no Chousuke must have been trained in recognizing drowning victims. He ran back into the village, screaming for help.

"Kin is drowning. Help him," he cried to each person he saw as he hurried up the road to the one person who he was sure could swim - Kin's father. "Your son is drowning in the lake, please hurry," Jugemujugemugokonosuikire Kaijarisugyonosugyomatsunyomatsfuraimatsu Kunetokoronisumutokoyaburakojinoburakoji Paippaippaiponoshuringan Shuuringannogurindai Guurindainoponpokpinoponpoknanochokyumenochoske requested.

"Kin is drowning?" He checked, and upon confirmation began running down the hill. He jumped the fence with ease, dove into the water like a dolphin, and was able to rescue his son just in time.

Though that must have been stressful, nine year old boys have no sense for danger. Within weeks they were playing by the lake again, and this time it was Kin who said, "You know how to swim, don't you? I dare you to swim from this bank to that one."

I will remind you that Jugemu Jugemu Gokouno Surikire Kaijarisuigyono Suigyoumatsu Unyoumatsu Fuuraimatsu Kuunerutokoroni Sumutoko Yaburakojino Burakoji Paipopaipopaipono Shuuringan Shuuringanno Guurindai Guurindaino Ponpokopino Ponpokonano Choukyuumeino Chousuke, was also a nine year old boy. He had lied about knowing how to swim because he wanted to look cool. He could not possibly tell the truth now and had no choice but to accept the dare.

He managed several good strokes by copying Kin's father but became overconfident. Soon his arms were flailing uncontrollably. Kin saw this, and remembered his own terror. He ran into town yelling at the top of his lungs that, "Jugemujugemu gokonosuikirekaijarisugyono Sugyomatsunyomatsfuraimatsukunnetokoronisumutoko Yabukojinoburakojipappappaipono shuuringanshuringanno Guurindaigurindaino Ponpokpinoponpoknano Chokyumenochoske... Is drowning."

He could hardly breathe for shouting by the time that he reached his home. "Dad... help. Jugenshugen gokonsurikiri karijarisugyo..."

"Calm down son. I can't understand you at all. What's wrong?"

"Jegemu - Jugemu Jugemu, Gokonosurikire Kaijarisuigyo no Sugyomatsunyomatsufuuyomatsu -"

"Do you mean your friend Jugemu jugemu Gokounosurikire Kaijarisuigyono Suigyoumatsu Unyoumatsu Fuuraimatsu Kuunerutokoro -"

"He's drowning in the lake," Kin finally said.

"Oh," the father replied and started to run. But it was far too late for Jugemu Jugemu Gokounosurikire Kaijarisuigyono Suigyoumatsu Unyoumatsu Fuuraimatsu Kuunerutokoroni Sumutoko Yaburakojino Burakoji Paipopaipopaipono Shuuringan Shuuringanno Guurindai Guurindaino Ponpokopino Ponpokonano Choukyuumeino Chousuke. Though Kin's father brought his small body back to shore, he did not breathe again.

After his death, his parents were heartbroken and unwilling to take the blame for their insistence on his absurdly long name; they blamed Kin for speaking too slowly, instead, though he was but a child. They did not see that Kin had lost a brother in the same way that they had lost a son.

It is important to me that he die in this story rather than be rescued by some strange force. In the real world death is often hidden from children, even ninja children. But death is real and children are at risk. Without knowing about death, you may allow your friends to take needless risks which may lose you a friend forever.

Also, you should not give a child a familiar name longer than four syllables. That is cruel.


	15. Chapter 15

It's been a long while since I've made an entry. In my defense, I've been busy... And also more than a little irritated by Muta's story. I contemplated trashing these tapes entirely to restart, and mostly left it as is because I haven't had the time to retape.

... Before I whine any further, we should play a little catch-up. My last few entries were from right around Tenzou's birthday, which was five months ago. I did go through with my plan to wake Izumi, and I was successful - but as I predicted, I was caught afterwards. I'm developing quite the reputation for disloyal conduct, it seems, and the Third Hokage's council did not allow him to forgive me. My punishment is still fairly tame, compared to what it could have been; I was taken off of paternal leave, am required to spend six hours a day helping at the hospital, and I have to spend twenty hours a week aiding in Izumi's rehabilitation. My punishment will be complete next month.

This is exhausting, but honestly... The worst part has been rarely spending time with Uzume. You're rolling around and sitting up now, which is frankly terrifying. It feels like just yesterday you couldn't lift your head independently.

But, missing a few major... Milestones... Well, it isn't too bad, really. I mean, the typical child can't consciously remember something from before about age two. As long as you're not like me... You wont ever need to know. Koori, Sasuke, and Izumi have been your primary caretakers in these last few months, and I think they've all done fairly well. I've been surprised by how well Sasuke and Izumi can work together where you're involved, as they fight a rather lot otherwise. Which reminds me... But, before I talk about that...

Right, I'm getting a little flustered. I should go back to the day that I last made a tape and proceed chronologically from there. I spent the night at Aburame Muta's apartment, staying awake and aware. Before I headed for the hospital, I ascertained that someone could watch you for the day. Koori was occupied, Sasuke had school... I think Iwate came over? Yes, it was him. I misled him about the amount of time I would be away from the house, though I did leave a shadow clone with him for the first few hours.

Three attempts had been made on Izumi's life during her stay in the hospital by "unknown parties", and so the Third had ordered guards for her. I was familiar with each of them and their rotation, and was easily able to replace one and take their partner out in order to have a half hour to work on Izumi. The actual procedure I used to wake her involved painting a seal onto her neck that closely resembles the one Ubusuna placed on me. In my case, it allows me to access a mental world of my own creation, but Izumi has little say over what occurs in the place I created for her. It served its purpose, though.

It deeply concerned me that I could so easily bypass her guards. Even after she was awake, and I was able to run a few tests on her cognitive status, I decided to stay with her. I could not trust the hospital with her, not after I knew for certain that she was the same person who had nearly always been my favorite student. And I was still there with her,  doing my best to convince her that losing her eyes was not the end of the world, when backup finally arrived. Sarutobi Hiruzen, our Third Hokage, had to come in person before I allowed Izumi to speak with anyone out of fear that she might say something that would cause... Well.

The Third really disappointed me that day. He gave me the impression that he had not wanted Izumi to recover, and certainly not like this - and he implied that she might be taken in for investigation because of my actions. I was very frank in response, giving some unwise and impassioned speech about my suspicions regarding the Uchiha massacre. Though he did not confirm or deny anything, he did not punish Izumi in any way and agreed to place her in my care soon after.

Izumi had already been a legal adult for two years - having become a ninja at eleven - but her independent status was challenged by her total loss of vision. Muscle degeneration that occurred during her coma also created difficulties. Thus her genin status is suspended pending positive reports from a licensed physician. I have been named her legal guardian in the meanwhile, and I was formally granted custody of Sasuke as well. He is less than pleased about this, as he frequently reminds me. Other members of this village are also outraged by this arrangement.

It is almost funny how the average villager now views the Uchiha as a vital part of Konoha; just last year, the Uchiha were mistreated and severely underappreciated. Is this guilt, I wonder? But at any rate, people strongly feel that someone as rebellious and strange as Shimura Hisato should not have both of Konoha's remaining Uchiha in his care.

Sasuke isn't annoyed by politics, of course. He is like, nine. It's the fact that I am no longer providing serious training that irks him; that is all he wanted from me in the first place. He is still working on chakra control and attempting to figure out the healing palm technique, and maybe in another month or two I'll have the time to teach him something more interesting.

While Izumi was still unconscious, Sasuke admitted to me that she was entirely unfamiliar to him - but he still asked to learn medical techniques in the hope that he could save her and future family members. This seemed very forward-thinking and respectable, and I wanted to house him for Izumi's sake anyway, so I agreed.

However... Even though they are the only family each other has left, they get along poorly. Sasuke takes himself too seriously, and thinks negatively. This is realistic of him, but it clashes with Izumi's outlook. She is, admittedly, not as positive as she used to be. Life has dealt her a very harsh hand, taking away her eyes, her mother, her closest friend; and leaving her nothing but questions. But as she said the other day, "If I don't focus on the bright side, I can't feel happy. And they wouldn't want us to suffer."

She really enjoys caring for you. Because I call myself your father, she has been trying to convince you to call her 'Mom'. There are two factors behind my irritation with her on this: every time I hear her say that, I am reminded that she is spending more time with you then I am - but also, if anyone were to believe that you had Uchiha ancestry for even a moment, you would be in danger. I appreciate her enthusiasm and I am glad to leave you with someone who can give you love and positive attention, but I hope that Izumi will learn to take your safety - and her teacher's feelings - more seriously.

As for Sasuke, he is much more careful to emphasize that you are unrelated to him. Even if he sometimes describes you in unpleasant terms, it's obvious that he sees you as a little sister. I don't know how much this situation will change in the future, but... For the moment, I feel I should admit that my mind has changed considerably where he is concerned.

I mentioned already in these tapes that I read a manga about this world in my past life; I might have also said that Sasuke was a main character. I told you before not to worry about it, but... If I die before seeing this through, I can't leave you and Sasuke in the dark. Knowing will put you at risk, but the world may very well end if no one stands up to save it.

Sigh... I don't want to get into it right now, though. I wish I could avoid it forever.

A few months ago, when I thought my interference in Sasuke's life would be very small, I wanted to teach him medical skills as quickly as possible, to be useful at a much later date. I still expected him to be like the Sasuke from that manga, the one who would never know Izumi and who had seen his family's deaths. Our Sasuke seems stronger, but more aimless. I don't know how to best help him. I don't want to see him follow the path that other version of him did, the path of a puppet who mindlessly seeks revenge and power and is passed around from one puppeteer to another.

My hope for Sasuke... I want him to have a sense of empathy, of personal morality. I want him to be motivated by the promise of the future, by the people he can still save rather than the people who are already lost. That does include me, if I've died. Because the words of the dead can no longer adapt to a changed situation, they are not reliable.

... Well, anyway. I'm going to resume the tale of team six with my next tape, and I'll get to the manga soon enough. If I should die before sharing details, ask Izumi about it. I've only given her faint details, and she considered it a joke, but... The aliens, the zombies, the magic tree, Madara's death. I wasn't lying about any of that.


End file.
